Leap for Faith

Life gives you choices that your never really prepared for. And for a seventeen year old who has to deal with real grown up choices, sometimes taking a leap of faith is the only way to proceed.

Leap For Faith

‘I always thought “confessions of a shoppaholic” a good movie’ His last thought before the desperate leap.

 

****

 

‘What are you doing man? You can’t keep running forever!’ Tom yells at his best mate Rand.

 

‘Watch me.’ Rand vehemently sputters and stomps his way back to his car. Frustrated by Rand’s uselessness Tom runs and grabs him by the shoulders, turning him right around.

 

‘You pubic hair of a p***y! You’re just going to ditch everyone, ditch me!’ Tom fires back, spittle flying everywhere.

 

‘Who ditched who huh?’

 

‘I’m sorry about that, you know why… but you still have to do it. Don’t miss this birthday.’ Adding extra weight on Rand’s incredibly burdened shoulders, he doesn’t let go until Rand faces him.

 

‘I don’t think I can take that leap.’ Staring at his feet he continues on to the dirge of his car.

 

‘COWARD!’ Tom yells when Rand breaks free from his grasp and walks away.

 

‘That’s easy to say when you’re watching from the bottom.’ Rand’s back stays turned to his best friend.

 

‘What a true mate!’ Tom yells at the retreating behind of Rand.

 

****

 

‘I wonder what’s going to happens after this.’

 

****

 

‘Try it again, take another!’ Pacing back and forth in the cramped bathroom Rand throws the box at Jen.

 

‘I did you d****e, fifteen times with three different brands its going to be the exact same thing… can’t you be positive about this, like this piss stick.’ She flicks the pregnancy test at him and hitting him with drops of urine.

 

‘AWWW YUCK!’ He runs to the tap, washing his face vigorously he asks the question that’s both on their mind. ‘So what’s going to happen now?’ Rand goes over to sit across from her on the toilet.

 

‘What do you mean?’ Tilting her head at him, Jen reaches for his hand and squeezes.

 

‘Well we got a few options but I…’ Rand swallows not able to say what is honestly running through his head.

 

‘You what?’ A dangerous tone enters her voice. She squeezes harder trying to give him a hint.

 

‘I don’t think we should keep it.’ Not a master of the subtle, Rand says the last and worst possible thing for Jen’s fragile mind.

 

‘Are you out of your retarded mind?! I am not going to abort! You know I hate people who do that s**t!’ She immediate lets go and stands up, placing hands on hips.

 

‘Well we’re f*****g young enough to ruin this baby’s life. What do you think two 17 year olds know about raising a baby.’ Rand starts to pace again not looking her in the eye.

 

‘What do two 25 year olds know that we don’t?’ Jen retorts.

 

‘Hell of a lot more about this life then we do, and how about money? And a place to live? and… and…’

 

‘Us and our lives?’ she whispers the unspoken question.

 

‘Yeah that…’ whispering, the most suitable for this situation.

 

‘So we should kill this,’ Jen points to her belly, ‘so everything can be sweet as f*****g pie?!’ Yelling at the top of her lungs, she punches him in the arm.

 

‘Well it’s better then torturing a life that we won’t be able to provide for!’ Fending her off, he shouts back at her hysterics. Thinking of everything required for another mouth, he stares up at God for intervention.

 

‘You’re so full of s**t! You’re just terrified that you won’t be able to live out your childish dreams.’ She sits back down chewing on her lower lip, trying in vain to hide her tears.

 

‘Of course I’m scared aren’t you?’ Rand looks down at his hands performing retarded sex.

 

‘I’m not scared of this. I’m scared that you won’t be there to see it take its first breath.’ Breaking his hands apart she holds one in each, looking up she searches his face for something.

 

‘What about adoption? You know “Juno” it and then we can be back to normal.’ Feeling like he came up with the most ingenious thought made by mankind, he waits for the congratulation.

 

‘You’re so selfish. It will never be normal between us again.’ She storms out the room and out the front door. Rand sits on the toilet bowl, his face feels numb on his clammy hands.

 

****

 

‘Wow that looks pretty.’

 

****

 

‘We’re not going to really do this are we?’ Rand stares at his mates in disbelief, his girlfriend’s glow shines through the haze of smoke.

 

‘We always talked about it, now that we got jobs we can finally pay for it.’ Chuckling at the expression slowly morphing Rand’s face into a little girl, Tom taps the computer screen. ‘This is it bro.’

 

‘You Judas! You know I’m scared of this s**t.’ Hoping someone will hear the plea in his voice, he tries to find a supporter but all he gets in return are smirks, grins and outright laughter.

 

‘I didn’t know you were scared of anything, did any of you?’ Tom innocently asks the rest of the group.

 

‘Nope.’ Michael quickly agrees.

 

‘First I’ve heard of it and how long have we been together…?’ His girlfriend Jen giggles.

 

‘I honestly thought you were superman.’ Jim joins in the chorus of sarcasm.

 

‘All of you, Judas.’ Sweat drips from Rand’s armpits, his birthday gift not what it was cracked up to be.

 

‘It’s for you’re 18^th, and we already bought it so suck on that BBC.’ Tom throws a pillow at Rand.

 

‘I hope it’s fully refundable or you’re s**t out of luck.’ Rand says.

 

‘Well we got a couple of months to convince you.’ Jim replies.

 

‘Nine to be exact… I’m going to grab a couple of beers anyone want one’ Jen asks and everyone mumbles their acquiescent for alcohol.

 

‘I’ll come help you out,’ He points at everyone ‘this isn’t over by the way.’

 

Rand follows Jen out the room but manages to catch Tom last words whispered to Michael and Jim. ‘He’s so doing it.’

 

Rand sighs at the unavoidable and trudges through the kitchen door. He stops at the sight of Jen’s bodacious posterior, and a mighty erection pops up in substitute of the light bulb. Quietly stalking her, Rand suddenly pounces and seizes her by the waste. Jen squeaks and raises her head but not before she bumps it on the top shelf.

 

‘OUCH! You mega d********g.’ She turns around in his arms and slaps him on the chest.

 

‘Sorry bubi, that’s my bad.’ Rubbing her head, Rand laughs at how cute she is. ‘Here I’ll kiss you better.’ He leans in towards her but she dodges it like the plague. ‘What’s wrong?’ Rand tries another attempt to give her a kiss but she won’t have it. Rand leans back and silently looks her in the eye. Always patient with her, he waits until she is good and ready to say what has been weighing her down.

 

‘I’m late.’ She finally pronounces, her voice echoes in his empty mind.

 

‘Late for work?’

 

‘No like late late.’

 

Rand backs away suddenly, he watches closely for the hint of a smile or laughter held back. Her heavy expression slowly sinks into his bones.

 

‘Well I’ll be fucked by a Pikachu.’

 

****

 

‘I hope the baby looks more like her then me.’

 

****

 

‘As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…’ The priest’s voice drones on as the family members wipe theirs eyes and cheeks.

 

Rand watches the procession from afar. Jen, Michael and Jim stand around the coffin comforting Tom on his loss. Tom’s toneless eyes drive through the people closest to him.  Tom looks over to Rand, who bows his head in remembrance sharing a look with a former comrade. They nod their heads and return to their vigilance. When the coffin is submerged in earth the crowd disperses. Tom, Michael and Jim go to where Rand has chosen to show his support, while Jen waits back at the grave.

 

‘Hey bro thanks for coming.’ Tom’s voice wavers, Jim puts a hand on Tom’s shoulder.

 

‘Anything for a mate.’ Rand stares each one of them in the eye and Michael bows his head.

 

‘About that, we, you know, had no choice, you being a kind of a c**t and she… well… you know.’ Failing to express his thought he falters under Rand’s sad smile.

 

‘I wouldn’t have been your mate if you didn’t choose her over me, how is she anyway?’ Rand studies Jen struggling to place flowers down in her state.

 

‘Go ask her yourself.’ Tom walks to Rand side pushes him down the hill. Stumbling a little down the hill, he looks back up his mates and they nod at him.

 

‘Wait, before I go down, do you have to go to Sydney for you’re dad’s things?’

 

‘Yeah I might have to but we have to wait for the solicitors to clear the dust. They said it’s most likely in April and we would only have a month.’

 

‘That’s on my birthday.’

 

‘Yeah… sucks to be you huh?’ Tom smirks at him and Rand grins, continuing on down the hill.

 

‘Hey bubi.’ He helps her place the flowers down on the grave and gives her a hand to get back up.

 

‘Hey Judas.’ She smiles back at him, hiding the fact she hurts at the note of his voice.

 

‘I guess I deserve that, you’re getting big now.’ Staring at the belly of her future.

 

‘What every woman wants to hear.’ Jen rolls her eyes and starts to waddle in the direction of Tom.

 

‘And more beautiful.’

 

‘It’s the b***s.’

 

‘No really you look great.’ Catching up to her Rand grabs her arm assisting in her trail of tribulation.

 

‘Whatever.’ Jen sweats perversely at the shallow incline.

 

‘Jeez you’re not making this any easier.’ Almost half up the hill her sudden stop shakes his equilibrium.

 

‘Should I?’ She genuinely asks.

 

‘As I recall you walked out on me.’ Angered by her nonchalant reply he lets go of her arm and glares at her.

 

‘Because you,’ grabbing his hand and placing it on her ever growing belly, ‘wanted this to die.’

 

‘I was up for letting the baby get adopted by more ready and stable parents.’ Bring up the same argument he used before there break up.

 

‘That isn’t good enough.’ Jen matches him with her same reply.

 

‘Well s**t I’ve got nothing new to say, I just wanted to see how you were.’ He takes a single step down the hill before her voice halts the self righteous march.

 

‘You want to know how I am? I puke everyday, eat every hour and crave you every second.’ Jen’s starry eyes deflates the blimp of hatred raising in his heart.

 

Turning around he says what been on his on his mind for months, ‘I still want you desperately.’ Hating himself for revealing his kryptonite, he runs to her and encircles her with arms of want, tenderly pressing himself against the belly.

 

‘I can never have you as long as you’re scared.’ Jen sobs quietly and breaks away from his grip.

 

‘I don’t know what to say.’ Rand losing himself in her tears,

 

‘Then don’t say anything.’ Rand watches her bodacious posterior leave him again. When Jen reaches Tom they both look down at him from the hill.

 

****

 

‘I wonder what Jen is going to name it?’

 

****

 

Driving down the highway with a bottle of cognac holstered to his side. He glances over to the card from Jen, sitting on the passenger sit. Swigging another shot he vomits in his mouth and swallows it back down. He squints, trying to see the road. The rain isn’t the only thing blurring his windscreen.

 

****

‘Is this what freedom feels like?’

 

****

 

He sits over the ledge and reads and rereads the letter given by Jen.

 

“Happy Birthday my lovely D********g

 

I know it’s a bit early but I wanted to make sure you get this. My due date is close, the doctors approximated the due date to be the same as yours isn’t that something? I still don’t know the sex and I don’t know if I would tell you.

 

I still think and care about you, I just don’t think about you as much. Instead of every second it’s every minute, who knows when it will turn to days or months or years.

 

I hope one day you won’t be scared anymore. So I want you to keep this in a safe place, and when you throw away your fear, throw this letter away and come back to us. Your bubis miss you.

 

Sincerely Yours

Bubi Jen

 

P.S Your birthday present is on the back of this card.”

 

Rand stands up from the ledge he was meditating on and looks across the city. The almost finished sky scrapper the only stain to this almost perfect scenery. He gets a text message, taking out his phone the name of correspondent takes over the screen. Tom.

 

****

 

‘Does it always take this long to fall?’

 

****

 

Taking the next turn at 70 km/ph the alcohol spills all over his pants. He slows down to check the card, he does not want any liquid pouring all over the precious contents. Feeling that he was nearing his destination he ingests the rest of the bottle. He winds down the car window and throws the bottle out the car, so long cogy. He runs his hand down his hair when he sees what he came for, the unfinished skyscraper.

 

****

 

‘I hope they can forgive me for doing this without warning.’

 

****

 

Rand leaps into the air defying his fear. He spreads his arms wide, accepting fate and what it has given… the only reasonable option he has been looking for but to scared to take.

 

****

 

‘I’m not scared anymore.’

 

He takes the letter out of his pocket and presents it to the wind. Looking back up from where he jumped, the tears of acceptance fly with him. Thanking all his friends before he hits the ground, he pulls the cord. The parachute comes up and jerks him back up to life. Laughing in the face of death he takes out his phone mid air ready to read the text from Tom.

 

“Where r u limp dick? Jen just txted me that she was giving birth n ur not THERE!!!!!”

 

Rand texts back.

 

“Just taking the proverbial leap mofo =P soz for everything…”

 

Author's Note

I've been largely practicing my pronouns on this piece of writing. Tell me what lame, cool or haunting in this thanks!