Black Leeches - OBEY

The Decline of Everything Collection - " Dark Literature for a Diminishing World ."

　

Black leeches

Leave blood stains

They negotiate

Your compliance

With violence

Live your life in silence

They will negotiate your future

Viral strand infection

No question

401 intact

Black suit

Black rope

Red throat

Automated machine

Leaves blood

Draws pain

They will intimidate

For you to cooperate

Obey

Reviews

[Janine Boiselle]

Interesting piece. Had to read it a few times...but to me it sounds like you're suggesting that these black leeches are taking over the minds of humans? Maybe not what you intended, but that's how I read it as a reader. And mind you this is was my reaction without reading your tags. At least for me, I don't think there were enough hints towards the government or money or poverty (insert the rest of your tags here) to direct my thinking towards those ideas. However, going back and adding in some imagery would definitely make this piece strong. The only other suggestion I would make is to mess around more with the structure of your poem. It felt kinda choppy as I read it, and I think it would make for a stronger piece if it was a smoother read.

This is a start, but keep writing! I'd love to see where you take this piece next :)

[SinisterBeast72]

Thanks for your comments ! Peace ! :-)