The Nomadic Life of a Dollar Bill

Oh the places were I have been...

The Nomadic Life of a Dollar Bill

 

I am made of cotton and linen…I have a unique smell…many have performed, worked, lied, killed, and stolen for me…I guess I am pretty desirable…no need to hit eHarmony…

However, I feel like a tumbleweed…never staying in the same place for more than a few hours, days, weeks…unless I am lost under someone’s seat cushion…that really f*****g sucks!

I have been around the world and back…I have experienced the pockets and wallets of many different cultures…I consider myself a world traveler…even though my value is not what it used to be…hell, I was made in 1983…s**t happens…

Memorable moments…hmmm…a lot to pick…some romantic, some sordid, some that I have sworn to secrecy via a confidentiality agreement…

OK…here are a few…in the 1980’s I made my rounds around LA…the smog sucked but I got to experience many cool night clubs, bars, and multi-million dollar houses…no I was not a groupie…I guess I was the instrument of choice when purchasing weed and coke…damn, some of those parties were off the hook!!! However, along with the “highs” came the violence…what humanity will do for a hit…very sad…and I have scars to show for it…a rip on the lower left corner…some cocaine residue still on me...damn, I wish I could be laundered…and I cannot forget the traces of blood…apparently a drug dealer was not too enamored with one of his customers…

What else? Oh…the 1990’s…I saw more a*s than Ron Jeremy! I spent a lot of down time in the strip club circuit on the East Coast…I travelled mostly with horny 20 something males…that was a serious bummer…until I was gently placed in a sultry dancer’s g-string…all of my wrinkles faded away…I can promise you that!!! From there, I took some purse rides with the dancers…it was very crowded in there…the vibrator was very rude and there were way too many other dollar bills…some were very f*****g condescending…f**k them…they were perfect little models that were just printed….come and talk to me in a few decades…I really did not get an “scars” per se…I contracted some vaginal juices (not complaining)…and I still have traces of hundreds of perfumes…oh, the nostalgia…

The f*****g new millennium…drug scene in LA…old news…strip clubs…dusty and creaky…the same horny males now can go in the f*****g internet and get off for free…what is a dollar bill to do? Well, I adapted and overcame…I cleaned up my act and found my way onto a Girl Scout troop in the Midwest…I was handed over and haggled with on a daily basis…what, are there narcotics in those damn cookies? Well, I can say that I did absorb some mean cookie crumbs…especially the Samoans!!! From there, I ended up on Bourbon Street…what a killer time!!! I think I got drunk for all of the time I spent as a tip on  busy bars…I lean towards the single malt scotches…but I mostly got those “hurricanes” spilled on me… I spent a many drunken night getting passed to and from bartenders…to drunks…to women who did this strange thing for these plastic beads…what is up with that???

Anyway…blah, blah, blah…those were my golden years…I could take on the world…I failed to mention my trip to Vegas (what happens in…), Cancun (wow), and worst of all, Russia (too f*****g cold…too much cheap vodka)…and they hated me because I am proud American currency…Sorry, got a little side tracked there…I can say with genuine pride that I have been in the betting circuit for more than a year now…It almost feels like home…who knew people were so fervent for horse racing around dirt and grass? I have even stayed at one facility…well, who knows where spending will bring me…Maybe other dollar bills will come clean with their stories. And like my motto says on my back side: “In God We Trust”…people will still spend money!!!