Don't be fooled

We are the overlooked,
the underappreciated,
the discarded ones
We glow under the day-star
Then, reflects the night light
If we're separated; we lack
value
But, recollected, molded,
unified
We are refurbished fashion
Downcast us as junkyard--
scrap metal
Underestimate us
that will be fun

Reviews

[Lisasview]

Hi there,
Interesting first read of yours.
The idea is quite good...
Personally, and I am no expert I would work a bit on punctuation and rewording...
With this your lines will stand out better.

For example... L3 needs a period or perhaps an exclamation point..
I would separate the first three lines from the next lines...and so on..
Like this...
We are the overlooked ...
the underappreciated,
the discarded ones!

We glow under the day-star ...
Then .. I think the word should be That, reflects the night light.
If we're separated we lack value.
But, recollected, molded and
unified we are a refurbished fashion.

Downcast us as junkyard ~ scrap metal ...
Underestimate us now that will be fun!

Just some quick thoughts...from me to you...
Lisa

[willweb]

I like this, I like how it stares you in the eye while you read it...you know it means business. Very cool.