Grace

Microfiction

You went on before me, deeper into the sunshine. Beneath black clouds the horizon was ringed with trees brighter than the sky. I sank to the grass. You turned your head towards me and smiled, and suddenly the sunlight breaking through the darkened clouds covered everything in a faint haze. Nothing like it has happened since, and of course I'm half-inclined to believe it was the booze we were on, but ever since then so much in you has reminded me of that moment that I end up going back to it, and I think of it as our secret.

Author's Note

It is complete

Reviews

[maurice_forgets]

Hi Sammy,

You're writing in a form which I adore: the short form, whether of prose or verse.

This has a very visual and atmospheric feel to it; the reader feels this piece probably more than she understands it. And that was the intent, yes? In fact, closing on the word "secret" suggests that it's OK for your reader to have only glimpsed something deeply personal and meaningful from your life, without a full knowledge necessary to appreciate the significance.

I note your author remarks, "It is complete"; and it strikes me that way, too. But given the brevity here, every word must feel in place; each word and phrase must contribute, without the feel of just tagging along.

I ask you to consider eliminating "in a faint haze." Consider that dramatic sentence simply ending on "everything". I feel that the visual drama implicit in the body of that sentence is somewhat washed out in the overly-poetic "in a faint haze".

Its's funny how often reviewers forget to consider the interplay (or lack thereof) of the title and the work-proper. "Grace," to this reader, gives further clues into the nature of the experience described here.

Nice work!

mf

[bob, small b. aka invs]

i would have liked this a lot more had you not thrown in the... could've been the booze..phrase. it really broke the tone of the whole thing. i suppose that might have been the reason it's there, but i think it really destroyed the sort of mystical description of that moment. it's like.... " how do i love thee let me count the ways, i love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach... or maybe i'm just drunk...."