Awaken

The Music. It’s all you got. It’s all you consist of. You’re not yourself anymore. Not to me.

The night descended onto Seoul. The pelting of raindrops against your window panes, the sound of piercing wind stifled by the soundproof walls of your room - it all doesn’t matter to you. In fact, nothing matters. Nothing but the Music you write.

That very Music that sucks out all the lifeblood of yours. You devote all of you to this ungrateful b***h. You immerse yourself into the abyss of notes, bars, and rhythms. You get lost in the veil of bass and treble. The picture of your groupmates and you performing this song with meticulously plotted choreography makes you high.

You think you own the stage, burn it up with your talent. In reality, the stage has already been possessed, but not by you or any other performers. No. It was a dark fiend, insatiable demon we all so carelessly call by an earthly name ‘Music’.

“It’s what makes me happy.” It’s what burdens you, idiot. “I haven’t got time to eat. I need to finish my song.” It’s not the song you have to finish. It’s you who has to be slain by the song that starves you. “Yeah, I rested well, thanks.” Really? In the four walls of the studio, suffocated by the familiar beat blasting from the speakers? “Screw sleep! I don’t need it. I fare on the Music I write,” you say. Are you sure? Isn’t it you who is gobbled down?

Why do you do this to yourself? What for? Have you thought about it? Don’t even try. There’s no answer. It ceased to exist. You’re a composer and a lyricist. That’s all to be said.

You’ll keep on waking up, drenched in cold sweat, tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. The fear of failing, the fear of being chastised are your new companions that will keep you up at night. At least you’re not alone. You should be thankful for this generous gift to the Almighty Music.

You’re not the Chris I know. You’re just an empty receptacle being filled with despair. The despair that only Music can breed in people. The despair that makes even the clearest sky overcast for you.

The human being I am, I can’t hold onto the relationship with hopelessness anymore. That’s why I’m here at the threshold of Studio X. I’ll take this step and share the darkness with you. After I sign the contract, I’ll become the fiercest force of despair you’ve ever seen. I’ll deprive the Music of her throne and become the only source of your pain, your only Muse.