Barely There

i am alive.
i know this for several reasons.
my skin, stitching itself together
scars like kisses, my idle fingers
picking at their intricacies.
the rain like pinpricks in my eyes.
perhaps, one night, the world gaped
and convulsed, consumed me.
a recent night--
for this feeling, i've known before
regurgitated into harsh light
but acknowledging my survival.
i was alive.
a feeling that dwindled and mutated
into a crippling awareness of everything
and now, the spiral
a natural defence, they call it.
my secret self saying, we are not coping
we must rest for a time.
so now i only feel
the chasm in my stomach, perpetual
my aching head and bleary eyes
subconsciously trying to forget.
as i sink lower and lower
into the earth's depths
but somehow alive.