Stars Aren't Cobbled Paths

 

Where's your own path?

Eyes resigned to scaling bitter hills.

Tongue too fatigued to ask directions

It's night and your walking, but for what?

 

You're feet are blistered from regrets you didn't make.

Hoping that the clouds will open up a lazy moment,

So there will a few stars to follow.

Only fools believe that stars can see for them.

 

We're all out there,

Lost among the longitudes.

Preparing discernable dreams.

Feet down our own roads.

 

Set out on your line of latitude

I'll walk the longitudes instead

Across dense plains we'll walk

At the point of living, we'll intersect.

Author's Note

Comment Please

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

HI,

I like the changes you've made. The poem reads smoothly and I still love that last stanza.

[beautiful dreamer]

i like it :) no critism though. its a great poem

[icelandicblue]

I would remove the Hey Hey from the beginning of the poem because it feels jarring and the rest of the poem does not. I would also change the spelling of your to you're in S1 L5. I would also find another word for path in S3 because you just used it. Perhaps you could use track, road or course or route.

The jewel of the poem is the last stanza. It leaves the reader with a great visual and its metaphorical power is tangible.

Thanks,

icelandic blue

[WingsToFly]

Well written, nice flow. A nice read, thanks for sharing.