I recall, In Sleep, A Joy

I recall,in sleep, a joy.

Walked my fingers along a wall.

Hop-scotched, twirled and thumbed, beyond the aid of drums.

Little revelries, packed with beats.

Luminous palms pursue psalms harkened by silver dreams crafted by little children resting under eaves.

While they sleep, the fire cannot breath.

A good thing, for the young die with ease.

 

 

 

Author's Note

I really want feedback on this one!!

Reviews

[K.S.78]

I really enjoyed your word selection here. Your ability to use such stunning vocabulary is a real gift. The only suggestion I would make is to break up the 5th line but there is absolutely nothing wrong with leaving it too, as a reader I felt it a tad much compared to the shorter ones. All in all though I like your references your vocabulary and the imagery is excellent. Also I like a poem that makes me think and this one did for sure...still thinking too lol! Great work very inspiring!

[Stefon Napier]

Thank you. I'll be taking a closer look at the fifth line.

[Leslie Philibert]

The first poem I have read from this poet,and a good one,like very much the punctuation of the first line,a good use of full stops and commas right through this.I would split the fifth line to provide more stanzaic balance.Excellent too the last line,so a good job here.