Every Step

My sad side of the day i really hope that no one reads this

Every step takes me in a different direction

So many ways that I could of chosen

At the time each step justified in my head

Sometime later I regret the choice I made

Still I find some way to justify my action

Although I wonder who I could have been

I can’t think that way

It will never change

Even though somewhere far away

There is me living that life

Me but not me

This is who I am and I can’t

No I don’t want to change that

There is more to me than shape and curves

Blond and brown strands of wavy hair

I have scars with stories

Stories without scars

Maybe I’m waiting for that person to ask about both

Maybe I’m too scared to know what they think

The words written on paper are so real

Memories and stories come to life

Everything I wish to forget

Everything I want to remember

Things that I’m still confused on why or what happened

What am I doing now

I feel that I have nowhere to run

Nothing to do

The pain inside of me is growing bigger

The burden of being a horrible friend drags me down

I can’t stand to look at myself, knowing that I’m letting my best friend down day after day

How can I fix the mess I made

I’m sitting here confused

So here I am pouring useless words onto paper

Hoping maybe to find some relief

An outlet from the real world

Now I have one last question

Does he see past my smiles

Or does all he want is what is on the surface and the smile is good enough

Because when I say no he just dies of boredom

He has been through so much but can’t he see

Those actions they still hurt me

Maybe all I am to him is a pretty face a fun girl for senior year

I was silly to think any more of it

In a few month he will be gone to happy land

With his family he loves so much

Now I know that I am stronger than ever before

But these steps I take are faltering

My feet weaken under the weight I bare

I can’t bring myself to burden another soul

For I am just a selfish person who has nothing to be sad about

But yet I am

Author's Note

sorry if you don't like it