Fanatic Fight For survival

A short story, involving 3 friends.

Crash! Bang! Thud! In a matter of 10 minutes it was all over, The buzz, excitement and frenzy vanished into a deadly silence. It was meant to be happiness, celebration and joy but it was drowned by the loud hoots of sirens, panic, frustration, sorrow...  a dream all over....

The red glistening beauty was left to nothing but ruined red metal dislocated into a wall of bricks. Jas' dream, Kas' craziness and Tas' hope all finished in a whistle blow. As the ambulance, fire engine busied themselves in freeing the boys from the ruin and destruction, back home unaware of the atrocities that awaits them the party was in full swing.

'Knock', 'Knock', as it got louder a girl in a group nearer to the door answered

As the policeman walked through into the lounge 'Please can I speak to any of these boys parents', showing the ID collated from the scene of the accident.. The girl stood dumbstruck but managed to utter, 'Is everything ok inspector',

'Well...I need to speak to the next of kin for these people'... said the officer

'O....K... , i'll go and get them...' she ran off in search of the boys' parents.

As they approached they was shocked to see the officer, Jas' dad spoke 'Yes Officer, how can we help, what's the matter'?, a strong personality was beginning to crumble thinking the worst 1000's of questions overcrowding his mind.

The inspector showed Jas' dad the ID 'are any of these your son',

'Yes, Yes they are all family but he is my son pointing at Jas' photo ID.

'What's happened officer? Whats the matter?'

'Well Sir', i'm very sorry but your son was involved in an severe car accident....''

Author's Note

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Reviews

[Delmar Cooper]

Jas, Kas and Tas? Hard to take that combination of victims seriously.

Some indents or other form of paragraph identification would make this easier to read.

"As the ambulance, fire engine busied themselves in freeing the boys from the ruin and destruction, back home unaware of the atrocities that awaits them the party was in full swing." Unbelievably, given its length, this is not a complete sentence.

The verbs don't always agree with subjects in number and tense. The above phrase contains one example "they was shocked ..." is another.

" collated " Should be collected.

The use of quotations marks is non standard. A quick proof read would correct this.

As to content, the piece is immediate and moves briskly. It shows rather than tells and it holds a reader's interest.