Letters to a healing heart

February 14^th 2013

Where do all the mistakes go after we make amends?
Does the regret simply vanish along with the shame?
Or does the guilt wash away with the tears?
What really happens to the heart after our minds block those memories?
Does it all just go away?
Do the moments burn out of time?
Does the ‘sorry’ really really make it all okay?
Or the forgiveness make it worth it?
Does it really make us feel better when we say that we have learned and not lost?
Does it help us get sleep at night when we tell ourselves we did it for the right reasons?
Or we had no choice?
Do we breathe easy once we tell ourselves to let it all go?

 

June 30^th 2013

It’s the loneliness that digs up all the feelings hidden underneath,
it’s the moments when we are actually alone--without the judgmental or admiration eyes---that we are truly the truer versions of us,
weak and insecure.
Stripped of excuses, comebacks and pretense.
It’s when in those times that we are alone with our demons and we come out unscratched that we can say we are strong.

 

November 30^th 2014

The memories, one by one slowly begin to fade away,
the smiles, the excitement, the stares, the kisses, the warmth, the promises, the happiness.
Reality entangled with fantasies,
it’s hard to pull away what actually happened from what I wished could have happened,
what you said, what you claimed to have said from what I heard you say,
but what will never fade is the sharp sound of my heart
as it broke into a thousand tiny pieces.
The raw feeling as it was being ripped out of my chest.
The exact moment I realized it was damaged beyond repair.
The suffocation from the emptiness,
unhealing wounds from desperation to find reasons.
Reasons for the unknown.
‘That’ will never fade.
Even in time, it will always be clear as a day

 

March 29^th 2015

Does it really matter if I say the words?
Seriously, is it really necessary to go along with the cliché and say it out loud?
Is it not enough that I feel it when I sleep,
think of it when I wake up,
breathe it when I smile?
Can’t it too not fade with the noise of the wind in the background like a shadow?
Or the moon that is always there beneath the clouds even in the day.
Isn’t it enough that I feel it without saying a word?
Can’t I silently love?

 

June 1^st 2017

Who fought your battles?
Who defended you from the armies of betrayal they sent against you?
And what of the demons inside of you, who fought them?
The long lonely nights full of regrets, who wiped away your tears?
And the lonely nights of self-pity and insecurities, who chased away the fears?
Who was there to pick you up after the hundred feet edge fall?
To patch you up and push you forward every self-loathing morning?
Who taught you how to breathe with a broken heart?
Or laugh despite threatening tears?
Who gave you back a smile when you stared in the mirror?
Who lessened your pain by holding it back in when everyone was watching?
Who pushed you hard to survive?
Who covered your scars and protected your wounds?
It’s within that slight moment,
a flash of realization alerts you to face it in your most desperate moment.
It’s You.
It has always been you.
And then, the fear subsides,
the worries lessen,
because you finally understand that even in that dark moment,
it does not have to be anyone else.
It can still be you.
And it’s okay.

Author's Note

Just something i wrote as i was going through some phases; heartbreak, healing and loving again

Reviews

[barleygirl]

For self-memos, these are very good. As reading material, not as much. The human mind does not absorb long lists of things very well. Our eyes glaze over after item 5 or 6, it is said by those who study attention span. This can be overcome by breaking up a list of items with something more flowing like prose, or just anything that is different than all the items being listed.

But all that is okay in this case. Taking your piece as it is offered, I admire those who can capture their own thoughts, feelings & observations so well. My opinion -- the best writers are the best observers. This is amazing self-observation. There's this one full day of questioning in particular -- it deserves it's own poem: "Does it really matter if I say the words? . . . Can’t I silently love?" becuz these questions are so damn universal, yet I've never seen much poetry about it. There's a seed of a poem in each one of these, I'm just saying the one I mentioned has the strongest potential (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[sonnie ibadah]

Thank you Margie for your honest review :)

[Wild Rose]

A diary of your feelings and thoughts

It's good to jot things like this down
So I have been told then you can refer back to them

How often have I thought back - but the memories have become hazy with time

[sonnie ibadah]

So true. Thanks for the beautiful review

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good flow of poetry and thoughts. I liked all the poems leading to some good wisdom.
"because you finally understand that even in that dark moment,
it does not have to be anyone else."
The above lines. True wisdom shared. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[sonnie ibadah]

thank you for reading Coyote :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.