WWII storyy

My hands are shaking, there's sweat rolling down my face burning my eyes. I grip the yoke hard; my nuckles are turning white. I hear the orders to drop the first bomb. "Bomb 1 ready for deploy." I press the button, "Bomb 1 deployed!" a feeling of ease came over me knowing that the first mission was half way over.

 

Then in my moment of ease i feel this JERK and I hear things crashing against  the walls of the plane. The co-pilot says "What in the world was th...." Before he could even finish his sentance lights were flashing alarms were going off. I call in "Air traffic control we have a problem." Theres no respond. "MAY DAY! MAYDAY! I think we are going to crash!" still nothing. I turn to my friend, hes silently saying a prayer. I close my eyes "Lord, I know I havent done this in a while, but please take care of my wife and little boy. Just let them be in ease..." I feel it jerk again and I feel it go into a nose dive. I pull hard on the stick while my friend is franticaly pressing button and flipping switches. "Lord protect my family in Christ's name, AMEN!" Within a split second it goes dark, I reach around for something but my hand jus feels air. "HELP!" Thats all I could manage to get out.

 

I finally give up and just sit there. Im afraid to touch my face for fear of knowing what the impact had done to me. As I wipe the blood and debris from my eyes; at the crash around me, I see whats left of  my plane and no sight of my co-pilot anywhere. Then it hit me, "The second bomb! NO!! It hasn't detinated yet!" as I fumble with the seat belt; I hit the ground hard. Im running as fast as my legs could carry me. I finally reach the bomb to deactivate it and I touch it.

 

The next day it was all over the news; a horrific B-29 crash with only one survivor who later died as he tried to deactivated the other bomb. He will be remembered for his heroic efforts, and at his funeral his son was given his fathers purple heart. His wife cried as she watched her son hug the medal and smile.

 

By: Lauren Barritt

11/30/2006

Reviews

[Blackbirdsong]

You have some typos (which I've pointed out below) and some structure problems. It's an interesting read until the end. So is the narrator/protagonist also a ghost? You seem to shift there without any explanation and that felt a little awkward to me. Also try not to use cliche in your work. They are called cliche because they are overused statements. You as a writer can come up with something better anyway I'm sure.

"nuckles" knuckles
"sentance" sentence
"responce" response
"hes" he's
"in ease" at ease
this is a cliche - "as fast as my legs could carry me"

You have some interesting moments in this piece and also welcome to the cafe :)