Neurosis

if I sit still enough,

I can feel my suspicions snapping

the paranoia sickens me,

and I feel tears start 

to scramble and fry and pop,

before I catch them

and wrestle them back in

deep back

in the pink-hued part of my brain,

I feel that itch to trust words

but my mind wraps 

around and around and around

and strangles every syllable;

until they turn into doubt,

blue and wheezing for air

and I no longer can push

this hesitation to the side

I am wracked with neurosis

I do not believe her

when she tells me she loves me,

I do not believe her

when she pecks my cheek,

I do not believe her

when she says she wants

to spend time with me

she lies

she has to be lying

I mean,

look at me