Rant...Number Something -- YOUR OPINION REQUESTED

10-28-2011

Sitting in the library and I am just wondering why the weather in October still is so damn cold. I mean really; this is absolutely unheard of, but then again, why not....

My eyes are 1/2 way closing and I have more sites to hit up as I have to check the emails.  I am going to be working for this last weekend of the Haunted House as after this then it is over and I am back to what I am at now........nothing. Like that is a surprise though.

Sleeping in the car is getting VERY old and even though my fiance and I are making the best of it for the past 6 months with a one month break, we are unbelievably cold and surprised that we haven't froze half to death yet, but hey give it time.....since there have only been a few people that have helped us. The Matriarch of my family, the 2 friends on his side. Others just sit and get offended due to them getting the truth told to them by me blatantly stating that no one is helping and then "wahh", well oh damn well. I am sick of people crying when they sit and pretend to care if we literally live or die. They don't, no one does. ONLY WE DO and the very limited people that have sent money for shelter for a night or food for a day or 3 when we use a dollar menu.

Get a damn grip and straighten up. F*ck off and be an adult. At least I can tell you that you aren't doing anything at all except making excuses to feign care and then want to blame ME for everything that occurs yet in the end that Jude Loves ME and not the person you hoped for, the one that is 24 years older and expects him to be a baby for her. A grown woman who is old enough to be his mother and acts like one, then who doesn't get her way....well, she cries to the damn world of how "strong she is and how she was wronged and how she .... how she.... how she....." GET THE HELL OVER YOURSELF YOU SELF CENTERED, CONTROLLING person"......[I use the word 'person' loosely as I wanted to use some colorful adjectives but I refrained as I am better than that].

Damn I needed to vent. A LOT. I can't vent to anyone in my life as I have NO ONE except my fiance and he is the one who is [technically separated, but on paper married to this "person"] in contact with her CONSTANTLY. I can't take much more as I am going so over the edge that I'll be falling soon and holding on by less than a finger nail.

There isn't much left of my sanity. There isn't much left that I can do. I've walked away from people who haven't done me wrong and who have. I have left people who wanted to be friends and who have harmed me. I WALKED........but you know what?? The funny part is in all of this irony of life that is mine?? Chris, my ex boyfriend of almost 8 years.....he always said he NEVER wanted to get married; He just got married earlier this month to the downstairs neighbor. The 40 year old. WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH THESE MOTHER FIGURES??

I'm younger than Chris and he couldn't simply say; 'Hey, I don't want to marry YOU'. Why not hurt my feelings and get it over with instead of just making me believe that there was something there?? Almost 8 damn years.......BUT it made me who I am today; Jaded, non trusting and hurt. I was taught how to love by JP and I am thankful for that, but in the end, his 24 year [age] "separated" wife of 7 years won't send the damn divorce papers so he can get permanently away from her and not contact her at all.

NOT associate with her as I don't associate with Chris and move the hell on with OUR lives so JP and I can just be Jude and Stacy. This broad will always be around and NEVER let go of him. SHE must control him.....odd enough she was born on the same day as ME. OH FREAKING JOY AND RAPTURE. Obviously a hell of a lot earlier.

Odd enough, I don't hate, I don't wish ill, I just want her out of our life. I want her to be well and safe, just with another man [supposedly she is dating and supposedly JP is not sure why he is a bit jealous......not really jealous, but just doesn't have comfort in it, but hey.....at first, I wasn't comforted that Chris was screwing the downstairs neighbor....THEN AGAIN, I had NO REASON to judge or to be like that.....JP doesn't either].

CUT THE CHORD. I'm engaged to a married [technical] man and it sucks. Love is Love and that is wonderful. We are making the best of a bad situation when it comes to staying in the car and freezing at night ..... yadda, yadda.... but when it comes to him being her safety net....I can't take it much more and I don't know how far love stretches. Hopefully REALLY FAR because I don't want to lose my fiance.

So now that I have gotten SOME of this out of me.....WHAT DO YOU THINK??????????

OPINIONS???????????

Please!!

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Ha ha ha! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this one. Something with which I'm able to relate myself to. Also making me feel good, that I'm not the only one who rants like this! :D

[Rasputin]

I'm sure this would make more sense if I knew you personally, and therefore had some personal context. From the context you DO give here, it sounds like a f*****g s****y situation- no doubt about it. I noticed that this was posted October of last year, and I hope you've been doing better since.
As for my opinion... this isn't a story so much as a journal entry. I assume that these ARE true events. Therefore, it's hard to have an opinion about something factual like that. So really, I can't judge this. All I can do is wish you the best of luck.