The life of.. well... me

A Story by stella

Before I was born my dad was a dope head, and my mom was about to become a nun.

And a little after I was born my dad was sent to prison for drugs.

As he was in prison, I just found out this year, my mom was f*****g with some old drug dealer.

When I was 4 one of my dad’s friends molested me.

When I was 6 my cousin began to rape me every time I seen him. For a year.

He continued to molest me until I was about 12 or 13.

My uncle also molested me when I was also 6

When school started I had few friends.

Yet I hated playing alone.

So my friend Skylar often played with me.

Until my cousin stole my best friend from me when we were 8.

When I was in 4-5 grade I was very sensitive.

I let every little thing get to me.

One time a girl told me I looked younger than I was and I went home crying

Then 6 grade came around and I was always called a prostitute and a stripper by my best friends. I also began to scratch myself.

The next year I took being called a hoe and w***e to another level by admitting it and dressing revealing. And I told everyone that I had sex but yet in reality I haven’t even had my first kiss yet. I also started to cut myself. That year I was also addicted to taking over a hundred pills a day.

That summer I actually lost it. I had sex, and yea I knew I shouldn’t have. But I did.

That’s when things got bad

A little later that summer I started dating my first love, Josiah, and he was literally perfect, everything about his was amazing, he said the sweetest thing to me one at crown center.

He said

“you see how beautiful it is out here? The weather is perfect. The trees are perfect. Everything’s just. Perfect. But I still think you’re the most beautiful thing out here”

next thing you know has breaking up with me because I’m too sad and telling me he showed his best friend naked pictures of me.

then I started taking pills again. I started smoking. Everything went to s**t and I resolved it with drugs and alcohol.

Then I got caught. And I had to go to the hospital for the 4 time.

I had a bottle of vodka and a pill bottle filled with a bunch of random pills and some pot on me.

The school didn’t know about the vodka but they knew about the pills and pot.

I had to switch schools. After that things went pretty smoothly. Until I started talking to mason. It was a good relationship after we started dating until he found out I’ve been cheating on him.

Then the whole school found out and I was fucked. My life came crumbling down and it was my own fault.

Then I met Hayden. I don’t really remember me and his relationship but I remember calling him crying because someone told him I’ve been cheating on him, which I never cheated on him, and he wouldn’t tell me who told him that.

Then there was Jacob. Every time I seen him in orchestra my heart fluttered. And that was before we were dating and when we did start dating I loved him. I knew I loved him from the moment he texted me, I knew I wanted him the moment I seen him. He was plain perfect, even more perfect than Josiah. And he was nice to me. sometimes. Other times he was mad at me and yelling and he was the first guy I actually wanted to have sex with, the other 3 I just did because I wanted to make them happy. Now that I think about it maybe I didn’t ever love Jacob, maybe he gave me panic attacks and I just called it love. Im not sure. But also I know he was abusive.

Me and him broke up because my dad found out we were having sex and he practically beat m Jacob up.

After that he lead me on saying he still loved me and that he wanted me back.

Now him and Josiah say they never loved me.

Now its this year and im so depressed idk how long im going to make it. Everyone hates me because I told everyone that Jacob has a small penis. I feel so lonely. Even though I know I have some people that care. Everyone f***s me over and idk how to fix myself, or to learn to love myself.