In the quiet of your arms the world didn't exist, whistling of the wind only added a romantic melody in the air. During these moments nothing never mattered but the two of us lying wrapped in silk sheets lost in thoughts of bliss. My heart indited memories as if written in poetic beats. In the quiet of your arms sounds seemed far away, lips poured out romance, and breathless moans kept us company. Every touch of your hands awakened my body, the yearning went deep into the depth of my soul.
We thought we would always be together, but now I lie alone, wanting to feel you next to me. I close my eyes and I feel the quiet I used to feel when I was in your arms. Dreams keep me hanging on. you'll come back, and in the darkness of this room, the glow of the moon will give away of what we used to have. Two lovers in the quiet of each others arms.
I think this is terrific. It is so beautifully written and expressed and I believe every word...so heartfelt and ethereal. I liked the prose style of this as it flowed easily and smoothly.
That being said storiestotell... and I know all about poetic license, some of your grammatical errors hurt the rhythm, because I had to reread lines for them to make sense. "Them moments", "nothing never" should be rewritten and corrected in my opinion. I don't like to rewrite another's work, however,
During those moments, nothing ever mattered....seems to sound better.
also, I'm not sure what "indited memories" means. I loved the last lines but I would lose the "of" and make it three sentences. Listen:
Dreams keep me hanging. Maybe you'll come back, and in the darkness of this room, the glow of the the moon will give away what we used to have. Two lovers in the quiet of each others' arms.
Your poetic skills are wonderful as is this write stt...but some of those "minor" issues take away from the poem, for me. I hope you take these comments in the light they were intended. Keep writing. They are great and I enjoy your work immensely.
allen
I love this poem! its tender, full with romantic and sensual! also give me feeling of comfort and harmony, which everyone needs for love...and desire too...
~nia~
Sometimes prose is to be considered more emotional and well descriptive.. and possibly better than a regualarly written poem. no need to worry about stanzas and placing of lines.
I love to write and cook! Me and my sister will soon be the author of a children's book titled Feelings Feelings Feelings, and a cookbook in the near future titled Two Heads In The Kitchen. I e.. more..