loving can hurt.

We got talking awkward at first with a lot of staring across the table but after a while, we were what we usually are. You were holding my hand across the table and i let you. I don't know why, I know i should know better but it felt only natural. You were pretty insistent about me coming and sitting next to you saying i need you close. After much arguing i did what you wanted and what i wanted at that moment more than anything else. It was like our own little bubble. We were unaware of the people around us but was so conscious of all the movements between us. I could feel your arm around me and it felt so safe. You feel like home. But i know i shouldn't be feeling anything with you. I should have nothing to do with you, yet here i am. 

Minutes passed and then hours. The waitress just gave up coming to our table because we were in our own little world. We were talking nothing in particular until i got a call where i had to lie where i was and what i was doing.

You got upset when i told you that i have to go soon. It just showed in your face and i could feel your hands getting all tensed and your arm around me pulling me closer to you. You promised me that you will take me home "and please don't talk about leaving now, i haven't even started to tell you why i wanted to see you so badly." I turned away from you because i know what you were about to tell me. I knew all along even though it was hard. I knew i shouldn't be meeting you for the same reason but yet i did because i couldn't not see you.

You told me over and over that you love me and that you need me in your life and all i did was look away because i could not face you and tell you. I don't have the strength to tell it to your face. You told me that you need me in your life all the time i was silent not saying anything. 

I didn't know how to tell you.

To tell you that i love you but i cant.

Because we've tried and it didn't workout.

You want me to leave him,

but i cant because he loves me and i do too...

I tell you to forget me looking down because i don't want to see your eyes filled with tears.

Looking down my tears start rolling down easily. I don't know what to say anymore.