I lied

A Poem by Hermione

lying awake
lying next to him I
count my blessings that I
escaped my own plague
his grace, so careful
wasted on a
lost cause with
my name on it.
I’m sorry is just half
of his vocabulary
and I
beg whoever
for patience & kindness
while I lie and say
“I love you”
because between us
there is nothing else to say.
In his own way
he is blinded with love or
just denial.
(either way I can’t tell)
and I am big brown eyes
to seek attention
and a little bit of affection
lying next to him I
entwine our hands by
way of silent apology of
which he is not aware of
and I think it’s for the best.
Is this so wrong for me to
put myself in this position
where I am (tarnished) golden
in eyes not my own?
All I really want
(is not new records or stability)
it’s feeling behind these kisses
and some truth behind “I love you”