Black Thoughts

 

Why is it that I have so many of these?

Suicide, self harm, loneliness- take your pick

All I could ask for is to get rid of them please

Laughing and smiling are all fake

Loneliness and despair

Consume me

A desperate fire

Eager to feed

On the soul of the suffering

Is there no refuge?

Is there no escape?

Must I live this life

Longing for another chance

Missing the opportunities

I have worked so hard to receive

Now that they’re slipping though my hand

Is so hard to believe

All the things of the past

Haunt me like a plague

The fights, bullying,, teasing

All scar me

An emotional disease

One that has no cure

Or if it does

No one is sure

These racing thoughts

Suicide, worthlessness, doubt

I don’t know how to get rid of

Al stemming from the past

Prohibiting the future

I wish I could be like so many of the others

Self confident, loving life, successful

Why does this seem to be so far out of reach?

All I feel like doing is unproductive

Yet somehow…

I must get through it

Getting though it requires much

I’m not sure I can receive

The strength to proceed

Having all the doubts

Swirling in my head filling my being with a sense of dread

Fears of the past and those of the future

Getting through will be scary

I need to be wary

Not to fall in the same traps

As I have in the past

Hopefully these feelings will not last

Faith, hope and charity must become

The foundation by which I stand

As I draw a line today in the sand

For myself

No longer will I allow these things of the past

To last

Hurting my chances to live a productive life

Instead of living in strife

I will choose life

Reviews

[Kitty]

This is a brilliant display of what so many people (including myself) feel. So much self doubt and feelings of just not being 'good enough'. You expressed your emotions well! This is a fantastic write!!!!!!! Nice to see that you are so positive in your last two lines - "Instead of living in strife I will choose Life".

Fantastic!!!!!

Josie