Jade's Backstory

I have already written a novel, and have ideas for many more. This is the backstory of the main character in a novel that I am planning out. Let me know what you think!

She had midnight black hair and ocean eyes, which were like two small blue islands in the sea that was her face. She had high cheekbones and an oval-shaped face with an olive skin tone. Her teeth were perfectly straight and pearly white. She was often met with looks of resentment, and sometimes desire. Her looks were certainly a cause of her enticing nature, but she also had a mysterious past and a strange way about her, and those factors contributed more than her physical beauty did. Her name is Jade.

Jade was born in a small kingdom that was surrounded by a dense forest, on the edge of a land called Fortis. Her house was not very large, but it was cozy. The fireplace was always glowing, and it cast a warm, gentle glow around the small home. An array of wild flowers grew around the home, adding color to the dismal area.

Her mother, in her youth, had been just as breathtaking as her daughter, which explains why she was married early in life. Her mother had the same dark-as-night black hair, but, unlike her daughter, she had dark brown eyes. Her mother had often resented the thick, luxurious hair that fell down her back. She ended up tying it back each day into a tight braid, securely fastening it so that it wouldn’t come out. She hadn’t liked to attract too much unwanted attention.

Her father was handsome. He had lived near the beach for all of his life. He had bright blonde hair and deep blue eyes. His eyes were the exact same shade as his daughter’s. He was a happy-go-lucky guy who had no care in the world. Love wasn’t a big deal to him. That was, until he met Jade’s future mother. They were married almost instantly.

Her childhood was difficult, to say the least. She attracted too much attention, even as a toddler. People were always constantly swarming around her. They all loved her eyes, blue as the clearest and purest ocean water and perfectly catching the light. Over the years, her hair grew in long, slightly wavy, and thick, thicker than the likes of any other person’s hair that they had ever seen. For a short time, people were utterly fascinated with her, and she was hardly ever alone. She clearly expressed this when she was four months old, when she had begun wailing when a particularly large group of people had begun to crowd around her, all of them wanting to have a look at the child.

Around the age of three, this fascination wore off, and people began to become weary of her. Her looks seemed inhuman to them. Even at this age, she was far more beautiful than any model. Even the way she walked was special. Her first steps were not slow and clumsy, but fast and graceful. Every move she made was elegant and perfect, never missing a step. She never made a single friend those first few years.

At the age of four, her mother was carted off to a mad house, for she had begun to have horrible hallucinations. Now she was left with her father, who was the only person left in the world who loved her. He would remind her each and every day that things would get better. He would hug her until she forgot about everyone else, who, he always reminded her, were jealous of her.

However, despite the desperate attempts of her father, without her mother to help pay the high taxes of the kingdom they lived in, they were soon evicted from their house and forced to live on the streets. Food was scarce, and the best meal they ever had was a tiny piece of chicken they had found in a nearby garbage can. Both her and her father grew so thin that their bones were easily visible underneath a thin layer of skin.

Her father soon died, and Jade was left alone. She took a small piece of red cloth from his clothing to always remember him. She always kept it close by her, and never let it leave her small hands.

The death of her father made her even more determined to survive. And that’s when she struck a deal with someone that would change her life (for better or worst) forever.

Reviews

[C.A. Lucas]

This is amazing. I was very interested in the character Jade, you must have great creativity to create her yourself. I am very eager to read your novel, or even a little bit of it! Keep going!

[KennaLovesJake]

This really caught my attention from the beginning. The way it described her, her beauty, her elegance; it was all very good. I could picture her very vividly because of your description, but I think her parent's description could be touched up a little. Also, I'm kind of curious to what her mother was hallucinating, even though it'd be just a bit of extra information and all, I would like to know. :)
I wish her father could have lived, too, because I'm always a happy ending type of person, and I guess you could say this has a sort of happy ending, but I still wish her father could have lived. :( It's good, though, that he dies because it sort of adds to the emotion and gives us a reason for her determination. That's always good. :)
Overall, this was a good story, although some sentences were a bit long and kind of awkward, and I could see that there was a bit of cliche` in there, but not much. I would like to see more of Jade in the future!

[writingcrazy55555]

This was just a way to get my thoughts down :). In the actual novel, I will touch it up and make it better.

[writingcrazy55555]

And thanks for the nice comment!

[KennaLovesJake]

You're welcome!
I can't wait to read it in the novel!
Sorry, I had my internet turned off for five days, so I couldn't reply until now.

[writingcrazy55555]

It's OK. I'm not sure how exactly I want this story to go, so I might take a break from it and write another novel that seems to be a bit more planned out in my head... I'll see.

[KennaLovesJake]

Ah, OK.
Did you plan to have romance in this story? I think that would add a nice touch to it, but I don't know. :)

[Zeuxis]

Fun story. Painted a very beautiful picture of the main character in my head which I felt was the made idea behind this. The description of the father and mother could've been a little more fleshed out, but I get a feeling that they aren't or won't be a huge deciding factor in Jade's life in the future. I'm looking forward to more of her story if you get out and write it!

I dislike the rating system, but I gave you a 80/100. Feel like there were some awkward sentences in there and you used some pretty tired clichés, but I want to see more of the graceful beauty!

[writingcrazy55555]

Thanks! Yes I am currently working on the actual story. this was just my way of testing the water, seeing what people thought of the idea. Thanks for your kind review :)

[Fiona]

loveeeee this story!!! great job, keep on keeping on!