Don't look

Something hopefully unexpected.

Keep running little girl--even as the woods block out the sunlight and seem to fill with darkness, closing in around you--keep running. The gentlest woodland creature has turned evil to it's core and you can see it in their eyes, and I know you're scared. I know, when they growl and when they hiss at you, that your first instinct is to cower, but you mustn't; you must keep running even as they claw at your skin, even as their fangs sink deep into your flesh. But girl, you must keep an eye on the trees; they come alive you know, actually, I suppose you do--you've seen their maniacle grins and their hands reaching for you in the darkness haven't you? They grabbed your ankles and you stumbled--this I saw, but under no circumstances should you let them hold you--no one will hear your screams then.

 

Do. Not. Stop. The shadows caress your skin, and though it may feel lovely at times, you must not respond. The temptation is great as voices call your name, and terror ripples through your skin like a thousand pinpricking needles that warms you and chills you to your soul and at the same time you start to sink into the ground. You're hardly bothering to scream anymore, it's hard to tell whether this should cause apprehension or pride.

 

And you're sinking, falling deeper and quicker and you're beginning to think that it feeds on your fear. Then, for a moment--all thats needed really, you regain yourself, and you're grasping rocks and pulling yourself forward. Don't act your age, ignore your bloody nails and run with all the strength left in your muddy, weak body.

 

Now little girl, you really need to stop gagging. I know the stench is awful, that it is hard to ignore as it seeps into your pores, and that it terrifies you that you that you can identify it--the smell of rotting flesh. It is everywhere here. Through your eyes you are seeing your hands soaked with blood, is it yours? Don't scream, it only attracts them.

 

Don't look up. Don't dare look up.

 

Ahh little girls never listen.

 

There, the cages, you saw them didn't you? Well I did warn you. Where the corpses lay of heathens and criminals, sending a corrupted message to those who were viewed as scum. Their sightless eyes watch you little girl, do you understand them? Oops, I'm sorry, I didn't realize his flesh would fall like that. The cages are old and they are large, you are small and frail--it isn't wise to stand under them. You see the rust on the links, but you mustn't dwell on how they still hang--just be grateful.

 

There is light up ahead, but don't let it draw out too much hope. The darkness still seeks to consume you like a plague and the creatures still lust for your blood--they do not cower from the light like you cower from the darkness.

 

Grasping, stumbling, you struggle away in a last ditch effort from one of the creatures trying to capture you and your scream pierces their ears as you sprint with your last bit of energy towards the light. You're breaking free into the sun. It is daylight, and you realize that it has been all the time you've been caught in there,and you are not surprised to find that...that place, consumed all light and kept it from you. You look back, and think that it feels like a lifetime that you were snared in that dark trap--and you might as well have been, for your childhood, your innocense, your naivety is gone.

 

As you try and pull yourself together, you hear a voice that would haunt your nightmares forever more--

 

"Never forget what you are."

Author's Note

There is no huge--mega symbolism in this. It's not a 'this is my inner soul' thing, I just got an idea and went with it, i would really like some in depth opinions on this, seeing as it is pretty new for me. It was written at 4:30 though, and I'm still very frazzled so if it doesn't make sense--ok well it probably wouldn't no matter what. xD also, I need a good image, suggestions?

Reviews

[MrJodie]

Carlee it's a good piece. Yes, the imagery is particularly dark but that's the gist of it, right?

Please don't take any criticism personally, got it?

There are a LOT of run-on sentences in this piece. You have many, many parts that... pause... for... effect, but the parts wher you speak and then say something profound and keep talking about the scenery and so good but where's the dramatic break to change thoughts and... See what I mean? You don't have to lead your reader by the nose. They'll get it. Just read some of the parts out loud and see how the "voice" comes across. This is an evil, uncaring protagonist speaking, quietly, to an innocent victim while she's in a blind panic. How would they sound? Creepy? Soothing? Intellectual? Bored? Demeaning?

SO sorry to bring this up but read some of the "narrative" stuff by Edgar Allan Poe for reference, maybe. He didn't write many as the protagonist, unfortunately, because it's risky. Isn't that why you included the apology in your note?

I enjoyed this, truly, and sincerely hope you work more with it and with this genre. Flex those muscles and keep writing!

[Sara]

this makes me think of the choices life offers you- the temptation of romance is the touch of the trees- the temptation of crime is the cages above, you get the idea. very interesting!

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I like this. It is a little dark. Very creative for just being an idea!!