To Be

In a cauldron of earthly noise, there I stood - 
Naked dust 'gainst the metonymy of winds,
Stooped low in kiss to the comatose wood, 
And the leagues diverged in pursuit of winds...

What worldly waste of matter, there thought I -
Lonely dust midst swooning atomies,
And remained thence in defiant soliloquy,
'Gainst sorry leagues of weathered vanities.

Such in crowds the bearer of heavy truth seeks,
Promise of wanton passers-by;
No sentient ear'd walk the blithering streets!
So she searches the silent sky.

Or the blue-eyed bard in theatres cold,
Braves the monotony of laymen jeers;
As traditions wilt to his musings bold,
That rage forth ageing years!

Reviews

[Ken e Bujold]

I like the poem Swagato. It's a tough form you seem to have opted for, but you show a steady guiding hand in your work. I looked at a few, chose this one to review. Some nice metaphors and turns of phrase..musings bold, rage forth the ageing years, weathered vanities were ones that stood out.

I do have one small criticism though. I'm not sure you fully grasp the meaning of metonymy in your second line. Strictly speaking a metonymy is the substitution of a name of an attribute for that of its meaning. ie, referring to the the president of the US as the White House, or the classic example "the pen is mightier than the sword" where pen stands in place of the written word. In your usage there really isn't any substitution or stand in for anything that I can see. If your intention is to invoke great noise or chaos may I suggest you might consider cacophony which keeps your syllabic count in place and conveys the meaning you are intending.

Best of luck
Ken e

[Swagato Saha]

Thank you for the kind review.

What I have in mind when I say metonymy is a particular stylized use of the word that we see in Lacanian psychoanalysis; where metonymy denotes the continuous process that precedes substitution proper in and as metaphor.

Curiously enough, it's in keeping with this very particular stylized use, that particular, stylized uses of the sort are described as metonymic - for instance, 'generality' or 'generally' in Mathematics almost means the exact opposite of what is usually meant in colloquial usage.

I think, the first stanza could be read as one grand phallic metaphor - the persistence of some ulterior essence (of subjectivity, perhaps) against some pre-essential 'polymorphous perversity' ; the latter of course drawing the interest of those opposed to the psychoanalytic camp, namely, postmodern schizo-analysis of Deleuze/Guattari.

So, 'naked dust' is substance, and 'metonymy of winds' is the interplay of (narrative-less) desubstantialised processes.

That's the way it appears to me, thank you for the consideration.

[Ken e Bujold]

interesting. certainly the notion of your first stanza as one phallic metaphor. and I just re-read your opening. I can see where you wish to take it, but it is going to be a tough sell to all but a very select group of readers. I have a BA in Lit and had 20+ yrs making a living off of words, if I struggled to catch the significance of what you are looking to convey I think it safe to say most will.
I really like the poem and some of the other works you have posted. Like I said in my review, it is a hard form you've chosen to work in, one that you appear well on your way to mastering, and I wish you best of luck. Just remember though, the poet is only half the equation in poetry, the other half is the reader. Like the horse, you need to lead them to water, or they won't drink.
Best of luck, be keeping an eye on your work

[Swagato Saha]

I understand. Thank you for the input.

[hdc]

thanks for the entry, well done