walking to the sea

The sea is calm now, 

The wind breathes easy.

In this empty place beside an empty sea,

I am still someone

They want me to be.

Take a swig from the bottle,

A puff from the offered cigarette,

Friends one and all, laughing and joking

About the raw fish we ate.

There’s fire in me 

And ice on the outside.

Looking up and down, but

There’s no place to hide.

Then, the sea roars back to life,

The wind plays the song of confession.

The moonless sky and the falling stars

All,

Whisper to me their conversation. 

Walk, they plead and I cannot refuse.

I have left my sandals on that thirsty bit of sand

Where my friends sit, unaware and unwary.

Why should they be? 

It’s not the first time they have seen me walking to the sea.

I feel my feet dig into the sea's favored part, damp.

Where the dying breath reach again and again from its last sigh,

Where its fingertips reach again and again to caress 

That pockmarked face where my footprints now lie.

In the ebbing darkness I look back,

The stars are going to sleep,

Its the time of the sun. 

I am at the edge 

And all my footprints are done.

I pause at this meeting place of the

Two enemies locked in battle.

Eating away at each other,

A struggle of an eternity. 

They are friends now, land and sea.

And yet unable to control or fill that hunger. 

Friends, I know I will miss them.

I will miss that unreasonable affection of my mother

That now i cannot believe irritated me,

The pride in my father’s voice

That i did not hear when he spoke to me,

The nervousness and anxiety in my sister

When i am late in returning home.

Home. Oh! how i will miss my home. 

Its strange but what I will miss most is not

The things I most did or said.

Its all those things I did not,

And the things I left unsaid.  

This thing, I now can name.

Love. Oh! how i will miss loving them.

A breeze ruffles my hair as if listening in,

Just as my mother would when I was a kid, 

Tells me to close my eyes.

I need not fear any longer.

I am near, so very near.

The thing with this world,

Its so hard to let go.

To be assured an everlasting promise land

Is the only way we know. 

Such grotesque menagerie of lies and faith,

So barbed and twisted the tongue of time,

Unrecognizable now the beliefs of men.

No end in sight, for the righteous

This is the idea of hell on earth.

Who rises and delivers us from darkness then?

How many times have I asked this?

To so many. Argued with and against humanity,

Taken such pleasure in another’s foolishness and fall.

How futile were these deeds? 

How weak my words?

What reason for my tears now?

Why, only to the stronger did I bow?

On the precipice and I can see the horizon.

The orange and red that precedes the sun.

Beautiful.

I close my eyes. Afraid.

The water is warm. Embracing.

I hear shouts. Frantic.

The wind is strong here. Assuring.

Asking. Pleading. Seducing.

And oh! i cannot refuse.

then

Open waves 

and 

Swallow me now. 

Author's Note

this is the longest poem that i ever actually read, seeing how i wrote it i kinda had to. hope you enjoy.