Picnic Table

Picnic Table

A Poem by Fire&Ice

I sit, my bottom against a plastic seat

She sits, her eyes intent on her food

I sigh, watching her lift up the sandwich

She bites, sinking her teeth into the wheat bread

I cringe, hearing the noise from her mouth

She blinks, not noticing my recoil

I breathe, inhaling the smell of the sandwich

She swallows, all the while ignorant

To my blatant dislike of her chewing. 

© 2008 Fire&Ice


Author's Note

Fire&Ice
Tell me your favorite lines please! Also tell me if there are any that don't appear to fit so well :D Thanks!

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

I sit, my bottom against a plastic seat -- This line showed me a very definite image.
I sigh, watching her lift up the sandwich -- This line made me think she was your crush.
She bites, sinking her teeth into the wheat bread -- Very specific imagery again.

She swallows, all the while ignorant
To my blatant dislike of her chewing. -- Now, well, now I'm not so certain anymore that she is your crush and the scene changes for me and I see her as maybe a younger sister, and it's a family picnic.

Very good use of imagery, by the way. You definitely show me the whole scene.
Nicely done!



Posted 15 Years Ago


"She swallows, all the while ignorant/To my blatant dislike of her chewing." Those lines made me crack up laughing. I really like this poem. Something about it makes me smile and laugh. It's so light and carefree and about an ordinary topic... but the poem is extradordinary. Lovely write!

Posted 15 Years Ago



Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

145 Views
2 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on September 21, 2008

Author

Fire&Ice
Fire&Ice

MA



About
"You've got enemies? Good. That means you actually stood up for something in your life." more..

Writing
My Room My Room

A Poem by Fire&Ice


Whispers Whispers

A Poem by Fire&Ice