Dear Ke$sh

A humorous letter to the musician, Ke$ha, addressing my concerns with her music.

Dear Ke$ha,

As I was reviewing my iTunes Playlist, it came to my attention that I have purchased a number of your songs, and each has a disturbingly high "play count." I'm not certain I can identify the elements of your music that I enjoy, but that's irrelevant.

One major concern I have is your catchy tunes. When played in my vehicle, the beat causes a malfunction with my speedometer. It is supposed to register between 35-45 mph on my route to and from work. When your music is played at a deafening volume though, it mistakenly reads 55-60 mph. I can certainly work around this, but it seems to be picked up by outside sources as well, such as police radars, which is alarming (excuse the pun).

On a completely separate topic, I have followed your directions, "it's time to lose your mind and let the crazy out," as given in your song "Blow" to the letter! My psychologist has suggested this is ill advised. She points out, in direct contradiction to your lyrics, that there is never a correct "time to lose my mind." She also states I have let too much "crazy out" which has lead to unintended life altering consequences.

My final issue is a bit personal. I am a 38-year-old woman, far too mature to be labeled a Ke$ha fan. The embarrassment of admitting I'm familiar with your work has caused me to be criticized in my social circle. Therefore, it is with deepest regrets that I remove myself from your list of devoted fans.

I apologize if this causes you any financial difficulties with the loss of my business.

Regards,

Tina B