Gunlandia (à la Seuss)

One day in a land that's quite renowned,

Disturbing news was floating around.

People cried, "Help! It's happening today:

Our leader is taking our guns away!"

Millions swarmed to their gun shops for fear

Their gun shops' demise soon would draw near.

Since no one wanted to be a gun mourner,

The lines stretched around every corner.

"So thirty thousand people will die

From guns in this country each year? Oh, my!

Just THIRTY thousand? Well, that's nifty;

I was afraid I was going to hear FIFTY

Thousand people," said one eager buyer,

Imagining all the guns he'd acquire.

"Three hundred million guns in this land,"

Said another, holding a gun in his hand;

"That's a statistic that I can't rebuff,

But frankly speaking that isn't enough.

A gun gives you power to a certain degree,

But having an arsenal: that makes you free!"

The people cried, "Yay! The more guns the merrier!

Down with every gun-buying barrier!"

From out of the shops the gun buyers streamed.

Their weapons sparkled and glittered and gleamed:

Fancy rifles; assault weapons, too;

Sawed-off shotguns in red, white, and blue.

Someone said, "Wait! There's one thing I need:

A machine gun will bring my collection up to speed."

The laughter and gaiety rose to a high pitch

As the shoppers scratched each gun-buying itch.

"My guns," said one woman, "actually give

Me and my husband a reason to live."

Hubby said, "Yeah, my gun is my life.

I even like it more than my wife.

Our leader wants to stack the decks

In favor of strengthening background checks.

I believe in simplification;

Down with every gun regulation!"

More cheers broke out from those who dreaded

The warnings from anyone more level-headed.

"The Second Amendment should be the rule

Of the land; if you disagree you're a fool,"

Pontificated a bespectacled chap

Who sported a spiffy NRA cap.

"And if gun show loopholes bother you, well,

You can simply go to hell."

Gun store owners were beside themselves;

They couldn't keep the guns on their shelves.

The manufacturers liked the ripple

Effect as they watched their bank accounts triple.

They said, "We have a reason to brag;

Let's put a firearm on our great flag!"

The people shot down firearm discussions

And heedlessly ignored repercussions.

They felt that they needed to put up a fight

For what they thought was a guaranteed right

In a country known as Gunlandia--a place

Where being gunless was a disgrace;

Where what really mattered was rule number one:

Life’s incomplete if you don’t have a gun.

 

(1-6-16)

 

Reviews

[palomanegra;]

This is great! I really like how you took a very serious "situation" and made light of it in a way that highlighted it's seriousness. I also really like how you had fun with this poem; it clearly shines through in each witty line.