Frankie, aka Lucifer

Frankie, the devil-cat, was always

The infamous focus of blame.

Folks said Lucifer would have been

A more appropriate name.

 

Always in trouble he was! You couldn't

Find a more wicked cat.

If you can name one more evil than Frankie,

I will eat my hat.

 

Sometimes he would want your attention.

Bah! Attention indeed.

If you pet him, he'd bite your arm

And scratch it and make it bleed.

 

You couldn't walk across the floor

Barefoot, for if you tried,

Frankie would attack your foot

And bite it until you cried.

 

He had a strange design on his forehead

Which frightened the local priest.

"Beware!" the priest told Frankie's owners.

"The cat has the mark of the beast."

 

You might wake up from a peaceful sleep

In the darkness of the night.

Two yellow eyes would be staring at you,

And make you jump up in fright.

 

"Scat, darn cat!" you'd yell at Frankie,

And he would yowl and hiss.

When you got up in the morning, you'd sense

That something was amiss.

 

Your favorite knick-knack would be lying

In pieces on the floor,

And Frankie would stay hidden until

You were no longer sore.

 

When he was hungry, you wouldn't have

A single moment of peace

Until you filled his bowl with food.

THEN the racket would cease.

 

When Frankie's owners would leave the house,

It was as though he would boast

That now he could use their luxury couch

As his favorite scratching post.

 

They never caught him in the act.

A scary thing happened when

A guest who said Frankie should be declawed

Was never heard from again.

 

Frankie would sit by the window and wait

For other cats to come near,

Then he would scream so loudly that he

Would fill them all with fear.

 

One day out of meanness Frankie

Started to chew on a wire.

Zap! He was electrocuted.

What a way to expire!

 

The owners say he's in kitty heaven,

But people who knew him well

Roll their eyes and under their breath

Say, "More like kitty hell."

 

"Frankie, aka Lucifer:

The meanest cat around!"

Should be Frankie's epitaph

Now that he's underground.

 

-by Bob B (3-2-24)