Realizing Reality

I was thinking of this because i had alot on my mind. This is not a poem, just a thought so please bare with me.

       Through my life I have hurted so much, actually I have felt the worses pain there is to be felt. I've learned that you cant change the world or make someone feel how you feel sometimes. Things happen for a reason, yea that is true but I sometimes question GOD over the things that happen that really wasnt suppose to be. Everyday I try to hold my head high but not too high because i dont want to have too much pride in myself. For me life has hit me more as to a mentally way than physically. Im a kind of person that cares for alot people and especially my friends and family. They say I worry too much about things and that I should chill out. How can you keep calm and relaxed when you have a million things running through your mind???? I ask my friends somtimes do I ever get on your nerves or make you mad because I want to know....... because I care. And just like every other time they say, " No, naw not really, oh and the main one that they say are" Why do you think like that"? And what really made me sad was that I had to ask my mother was I making her mad alot. She said " Baby no, im not mad at you". Then I just sit there and cry my tears out because I think I have did something wrong to someonw or got on their nerves. Believe it or not I have a soft heart so just by saying anything could mess up my day. Two years ago, back in 2007, I had a friend named Keshia. She was 18 and I was 14 years old, and we were very good friends. Never got on her nerves or ticked her off. You can say that we got along pretty well. Until one day I got a disturbing ( well it was disturbing to me because it mad me sad) txt msg from her one day that read exactly" I dont think we should be friends anymore because I feel that Im too old for you and you seem to be a waste of my time." Do you have any idea as to how I felt on that day?!?!? I couldnt believe what she had said to me, and now for the rest of my life im gonna worry about everything in life and I cant get rid of it!!!! Everything happens for a reason right??? Im still tryna figure that question out. Right now I have a friend. Very sweet young gurl and I want us to stay good friends. Do you know everyday I think about what keshia has said to me, and I just didnt want that to happen again because it hurted me inside. Sometimes I think about is it worth me living this life because I have no purpose of living here anymore. Sweet people get their feelings hurt too and get taken advantage of the most. All I ever wanted to do in life was to fly planes and become a pilot in the AirForce. I cant even focus on that anymore like I want to because I have so many doubts and worries in my head. Whenever I go to flight training, I cant even concentrate while in the air because I lost faith in myself and confidence. I just wana say to everybody, including my friends and family that im sorry for everything I have done. And if I didnt do anything im sorry anyway. When you express how you feel on something so strong like this, you begin to cry your heart out. And right at this very moment im crying sooo hard inside. I feel like I have caused everything bad to happen in somebodies life. Im sorry. I really am. I never hurted anybodies feelings or said something to make them mad. People just dont understand how I feel right now. You dont understand how I feel right now. Im mad inside and I dont know why. Only GOD can help me with my problem I have.