CRAYON

an oldie...

ethnicity cloaked in a cotton top coat. don't ask... won't tell... she got it from Clinton her last name may give you...pause then the thought of it just fades away like a long applause. a ocean of emotions swirl & swirls to a...perfect storm that crashes just beneath surface. she stands lost in the western woods. As a 1st generation Americano. Mrs. Chameleon blends & meshes in all the right schoolastic cliques an clubs, yet feeling as though she's the only grain of pepper in a ocean of salt at recess... she recesses what has her so depressed off an running often runnin she runs as if the chime of the bell makes her feel... freeded liberation... straight to the box. were the love of the cool, coarse tan sand up against her milky skin. lets her escape again. within the confinds of her 2nd mind she's no longer lost & alone. her imagination emerges from its coccon... chanting low... "if only i was brown... Mother Mary..." "if only i was brown... if only... if...only... i was brown... maybe i could stop droppin piggy banks in fountains wishin 4 color & fallin to my knees ritually prayin 4 color..." you see... the only brown she see's is in her enviroment & on T.V. touching the trunk of a tree. "is this what it feels like to be brown." changing channels on the tele "is that what i have 2 say... is that what i have 2 do... to be brown." The diluted innocence of a child... her native tongue 1st unfamiliar... then foreign. abuela was her only connection to the past...& now she's passed. the umbilical cord for what lyed before. severed... no more food for thought to enrich her soul. fall was her favorite time of the year. because she could see more brotha an sista leaves of brown. then comes old fat man winter layn sheets of blanco upon the land   reminescent of her skin cold an unrevealing in the fall... her vibe stayed vibrant & wonderous like the colors, an she would wonder along the pond an ponder... "why not the outside of me... why not me..." as the years fold over she even felt her body giving over to help perpetuate the illusionary lie, with the lack of curvaious curves. the erosion of heritage leads to malnutrition caused from cerebral anorexia. no language, customs, or self identity to hold her grounded widens the chasm. she wants not history...,his-story... she wants herstory. now... I find myself pondering & wondering if she has a baby girl would she name her "Autum"...     Thank you for the book "All things Censored" &... free Mumia... Paz con Amor...             4 fingers & a pen poetry.

Reviews

[Lexi Nicole]

Really great piece. I love how fluid it is, and you told this woman's story absolutely brilliantly. You're very talented, wonderful work!

-Howl

[Li Li]

touching the trunk
of a tree.
"is this what it feels like
to be brown."

I could see this part in a children's book.

Children often feel lost. So young, and so easy to be molded into something they are not. Or they long to be something they are not. It's so hard to find that place where they are comfortable with themselves, if their surroundings make them "different".

Some of this made me giggle, but other parts really made me feel for her.

I've always loved your delivery. You are the master of word manipulation. Words transform to be the exact tool you need.

Kudos... many kudos.

[Walkingblind]

I've been missing your words and you gave me some to knaw on I like this.
Not saying that cause your my Herbal Cow but because this is good. The
subject is one that is implied more then it is talked about. So many people
from different countries, languages, family histories all in one place trying
to be apart of a melting pot. I like the journey you led us on in this woman's
life and struggle with her identity:

changing channels
on the tele
"is that what i have 2 say...
is that what i have 2 do...
to be brown."

So true had a white girl tell me once that she's more black then
me cause she listens to Lil Wayne, I felt supa bad for her and all
people who think that being black is earned. Like in order to have
my skin or be included in our 'group' you have to mix the following
ingredients together and bake on 375 degrees for 1 hour. I feel this
I got you....raw writer.