I heard it through the fiber optic grape vine

From the book  Insane, stupid, and unbelievable. (Part II)

    “He heard a song in his head that just wouldn't go away --- and there was a good reason for this.”

      It seems that Dexter Carmichael like so many other teenagers in his age group loved his music and adored the I-pod era, as he would constantly wear his head phones day in and day out wherever he went.   

Well on this one particular morning which was not their average start of a typical day in the Carmichael household; for pandemonium was a midst.

It was a power surge during the middle of the night that had off-set their alarm clocks, causing everyone in their household to be running late that mourning. Starting with his infant sister being only two years old, who had to be at the day-care center, Dexter and his sister for school, the parents for work, and the grandmother for her doctor’s appointment?   

        It was a bite of toast that Dexter's father, Mr. Carmichael bit into, while hopping around on one foot, as he tried getting his other leg inside the other side of his pants; a cup of coffee that his wife, Dexter's mother sipped from, while frantically searching for her briefcase that she couldn't seem to locate; a picture of orange juice that the grandmother hastily made in order to take her mourning pills; a hand full of cap’n crunch cereal that Dexter’s older sister ate right out of the box, while standing at the table trying to finish yesterdays homework at the last minute; a table spoon that Dexter’s baby sister continued to bang on the table, and Dexter himself who scurried about upstairs looking everywhere for his I-pod.

        However it would be Mr. Carmichael who would set thing in motion that mourning, by being the first to break away from the pack, as he grabbed the littlest member of his family; tucking her neatly underneath his arm as he reached across the kitchen table and planted a good-bye kiss on the cheek of his lovely wife, just like he did every morning before leaving out the door.

        But something that he wouldn't be aware of until later that day was about to happen, for you see Mr. Carmichael, who was also a man of music, and although he didn't carry an I-pod, a cassette player, an MP3, or a Walk-man, for Mr. Carmichael it was the latest in a technological breakthrough, he carried his music around with him, in the form of a UB3 INTERNET radio, which he normally kept attached to his key chain. Where it was on the previous night that he'd downloaded over 300 70’s ol’ skool tunes for his own personal listening pleasures. But it was in his haste to get out of the house ahead of the crowd, and while leaning across the kitchen table; that into a fresh glass of orange juice did he unknowingly drop his miniature radio device from his top shirt pocket. And after bidding everyone a fond farewell, he then made his way out the door as the screen door echoed close.

The next sound heard was Dexter's school bus honking its loud horn from outside, causing young Dexter to come sliding down the banister and once he hit the bottom of the stairs; still not quite together as he continued to dress while moving about, through the house, on his way out the door.    And while making his final stop in the kitchen, he kissed his mother, thumped his sister on the back of her head, gulped his fresh orange juice that his grandmother made, and ran out the door, stopping only momentarily before he boarded his bus, as he held his head back and took a big swallow of air, all the while thinking only, that he’d just downed an orange seed from his orange juice, and he didn't think anything else about it as he boarded the bus headed to school.

The doctors would later explain it as an electronic magnetic pulse stemming from the brain is what triggered the device, and caused it to activate.

        Once on the bus, It was his regular seating that Dexter found his-self seated in --- and while he appropriately adjusted his headphones over his ears, he suddenly he heard Marvin Gaye singing, ooh, I bet your wondering how I knew, about your plans to make me blue, which caused Dexter to instantly wonder just how that song got onto his I-pod.

Now reaching for his controls, he then fast-forwarded his music, but he still couldn't seem to get rid of those ol’ skool tunes from out of his head that continuously came from what he thought was his own I-pod device.

        It was now a different kind of a mellow and easy ol’ skool tunes that weren’t his usual brand of hip-hop rap, for this group that he was now listening to, telling him in song, in a riveting voice, to wake-up everybody because there’s no-more sleeping in bed, which astounded Dexter as he found his self uncontrollably bobbing his head to the beat of what he thought was a new style of rap music, but instead who in-fact he was listening to was Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes.   

        Dexter eventually found his self sitting in his classroom waiting for the first school bell to ring, but it was one song after another that he was unable to escape from, and it wasn’t until he found his self being caught-up in a groove thing, did he realize, that class had already begun.

        Feeling that he'd had enough for now, Dexter removed his headphones as he thought to prepare his self for the beginning of what he assumed was going to be just another regular school day. But something strange was going on, because after turning off his I-pod he still heard ol' skool tune in his head, which was the song cruising by Smoky Robinson. It was an assortment of ol’ skool tunes such as the esquires get on up, Ashford and Simpson’s solid like a rock, Archie Bell and the Drells tighten-up, and parliaments flashlight is what caused Dexter to become caught-up in the world of his father’s 45’s and L P’s, a world far separated from vinyl to disc. 

        Now thinking that one of his classmates’ had caught-on to the foolish listening craze of those ol’ skool phenomenon beats. , but when he turned to see just who it was that was playing his father’s funky brand of music, he noticed that there wasn't anyone within his classroom who was wearing a listening device, which would have clearly insinuated that they were in-fact listening to ol' skool beats, but instead all eyes in the classroom were looking in his direction as if he'd did something wrong.

All the while as Smoky continued to be heard swooning the mellow sounds of his velvet voice in the air, it was Dexter's teacher who by now had made her way over towards where Dexter sat with this sour look on her face.

        Now hovering over him while she sternly stood her ground with her arms folded across her chest, it was Dexter who sat there bewildered while hunching his shoulders as to indicate to her that he wasn't the culprit who was playing that ol’ skool tune that could be heard all around him. However the music continued to play, even while he spoke as she stood there now tapping her foot --- and it wasn't because she was displaced by the answer that he’d given her, that was causing her foot to tap, but because not just knee deep by funkadelic was what she was now hearing as it systematically put her in the groove of remembering her own days past.

And only after the completion of the song in its entirety did she then extend her hand with her palm up, indicating to Dexter that she required that he hand over his I-pod and headphones, at once. To-which he did, but not so willingly? And as she turned and started to walk away with Dexter's I-pod and head set in hand, it was I wanna get next to you by Rose Royce that which caused her to immediately stop in her tracks, and turning back around as she once again looked directly at Dexter and noticing that he had no sort of electronic mechanism in his possession that would have said that he was the cause of the disturbance in the force. As she now found herself looking all about elsewhere inside of her classroom in-search of where this undetected music might have been coming from. But In the meanwhile it was Billy Preston singing nothing from nothing that brought her in-room search back to where Dexter sat, and at this time every finger in the classroom was now pointing in Dexter's direction.

Unable to figure out just what was going on, Dexter's teacher called in the principal, who was welcomed as he walked into their classroom to the obliterated sounds of the average white band singing I got work to do.

Now at a loss for words, just like everybody else in the classroom, as Dexter had no idea that the music that everyone was hearing, was in-fact coming from within him; he simply thought that he was hearing, what everybody else was hearing. When just like his teacher before, it was now Dexter's principal who came directly over to where Dexter sat. Where once again Dexter hunched his shoulders indicating that like before, he didn't have the slightest clue as to what was going on.

It was after a light pat down of Dexter that it was affirmed that he carried nothing capable of transmitting the songs that everyone was hearing and continued to play during this mild interrogation, but once Dexter opened his mouth to inquire as to why was he being singled-out, that’s when the volume level of the songs increased two-fold, and it then became crystal clear that the music was indeed coming from out of him, and for the first time Dexter became aware that Lady Marmalade by Patti La'belle was coming out of the inside of him.   

It was the paramedic that were called in next, as they were greeted to the sounds of play that funky music white boy by Wild Cherry.

Now stumped and perplexed as they circled all around this youngster thinking that this was some sort of a school prank that was being played on them, but upon further examining the likes of young Dexter, they too came up with the unanimous decision that the music was coming from within the body of this student and this phenomenon could only be further investigated at the local hospital, which is where Dexter was then transported to.

Dexter's parents were the next to be informed that their son had somehow become a human musical transmitting device. It was then after they had arrived at the hospital that they were told that Dexter's X-rays showed that their son had somehow managed to ingest a U B 3 INTERNET radio. Where it was at that moment that Mr. Carmichael began patting his own self down in search of his own U B 3 INTERNET radio that he normally kept attached onto his key ring, unfortunately he found it not to be there, causing him to wonder if in-fact it was indeed his own U B 3 INTERNET radio that he couldn't seem to locate on his person.

It was after six hours later that the doctor who performed this mild extraction approached the Carmichael’s with the INTERNET device in his hand, telling them that the operation was a success, as Mr. Carmichael right away recognized this INTERNET U B 3 radio as being his very own. It was then Mr. Carmichael’s curiosity that led him to ask why such a relatively simple operation took over 6 hours to perform, and was his son at any time in any real danger.

And that’s when the doctor took pleasure in telling him how smooth and quick the operation went and that there only problem came about when the Johnny Taylor concert started, and how he was well into three hours of easy listening before he could even start the mild extraction operation.