The Humbug

From the book Insane, stupid and unbelievable. (Part IV)

    A random act, a coincidence, chance and a little bit of a twist of fate, all considered happenstances of things that just happens at any given point in a person’s life for no reason at all --- or so one would think.

        But for those of you out there who wish to know, there is a definitive name for that which corresponds in correlation to a parallel link, which is said to be a humbug.

Now the question that I find myself asking, is who, what, or where exactly is a Humbug?

As you hear people talk a-lot about this thing that's said to be a Humbug

I've even heard on an occasion or two about this thing spoken of while locked-up in prison.

Where more than just one inmate has stated, as to how they only came to be here; caught-up on a Humbug, while others have said, how certain accidents and misfortunes have happened to them in life, just on a Humbug, and then there are those who claim to have actually met their destiny, and, or fate on a Humbug; now I ask you, just what is this Humbug thing that everybody’s so concerned about.

        Is it a what --- or is it a who --- and where can I find this mysterious phantom of folk lore legend, that's somehow managed to reappear every so often, even in these modern times.

And if in fact it is, a person, a place, or a thing, is what I now intend to find out.

Could it possibly be an evil spirit or rather a force of nature, well I'm gonna go out on a limb just on a Humbug Wow! Did you notice that, how it just caught me off guard, and I didn't even see it coming. Well at least I know now, that it's not an actual person per-say, so therefore it's got to be some sort of a force of nature, or maybe even some type of unseen spirit --- either way this is where my jail house investigation, and the mind of the Ann A. Myta takes over in a little ditty I call the Humbug.              

        The Humbug as I see it, is not a force of nature as I first thought it to be, it's more or less an invisible force said to be spirit in nature, which for the time being has come to make its home base in the city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin only after passing through one year while in route to Minnesota.

But once it found out that its lingering services were temporarily needed here, that's when it then decided to stick around in order to check out the future prospects. And after finding that it enjoyed the comfort of the city of Milwaukee and its residents, along with its wide open spaces, it then decided to call our little town home.

          It happened somewhere back around 1972 where there was said to be an opening in the human vulnerability department, and that’s when this said spirit of nature applied for the job, and soon thereafter it's application was readily accepted, and from that time on the Humbug has resided in the city of Milwaukee.

And although it's been known to constantly travel all around the world free lancing from time-to-time, wherever it's services was needed, but still the city of Milwaukee came to be its home base.

Although the Humbug has no physical embodiment as it only seems to manifests itself during certain conditions caused by untimely coincidences, thereby causing the Humbug to appear at times as a human trait. There have been very few visual sightings of this thing known as a Humbug, because they say, that should you have cause to actually see this Humbug in a physical manifestation, it's like witnessing a head on collision while standing directly in the eye of a tornado, and then it's impossible to avoid being caught-up in its magnetic sweep, which is said to be a total disaster in a radius of    anywhere from a few inches to all the way up to at-least 100 miles away, and that's only if you witness the initial physical sighting of a Humbug.

The Humbug is a 24 hour a day creature of habit, a non-discriminate prowler, and it's been known to capture more than just one victim at a time in its sweep, why even Ebeneezer Scrooge was said to mentions the Humbug from time to time.

An inmate while in jail was relating his encounter with this said Humbug, saying how one day as he went into a neighborhood convenience store just to get some sardines and a pickle that his pregnant girlfriend had a craving for. And while he was there paying at the counter, he met-up with another expectant father to-be who happened to be making that same craving run for his expectant wife.

Well it was then that these two expectant fathers got to talking and exchanged names and numbers, in order to get together later for cigar toasting. Well as it turned out the other guy was an undercover agent who recognize the first guy he met as being on Milwaukee's most wanted list, for something he'd done some four years ago, as he'd been on the run for two years after finally getting his life together and starting a family with his girlfriend. So when this new friend showed up at his house he was arrested and now he’s looking at 15 years.

So when asked by his fellow inmates how he came to finally get caught, his response was that he got caught on a Humbug. So the end does sometimes justified the means such as in this case, but although the Humbug is not a Detective, or works for any law enforcement agencies, or practices law, it's been known to dole out justice where justice is sometimes over due.

The Humbug stands anywhere from a few centimeters tall, up to well over 100’s of feet tall, and in this way his height at different times enables him to tower over, or look under any given situation at any time, where he’s even been clocked at speeds of well over 18,000 miles per second, because at times it may appear as though he’s in two places at once, but take my word for it, the Humbug is a solo act and travels alone, where as you read-on you’ll soon understand why.

The Humbug has been said to be quite the looker, because it has to be able to approach any given obstacle unnoticed to potential recipient of its nature. The Humbug speaks all foreign languages including Klingon and can spans all continents, even time and space at a moment’s notice.     

Freak accident is a distant cousin of the Humbug, and even though they’re close, it's not wise for these two to get together on any given holiday events, or family get together, or any other time for that matter. As it so happened back around October, 11 ^th 2002 when Humbug was out for a leisurely stroll at 7:30 am that morning while taking in the sights in the County of Sheboygan, and as Humbug crossed the over pass freeway, it was there where he ran into his cousin; Freak accident, where the outcome of their bypass meeting was disastrous and fatal to all uninterested parties who became involved in that circumference of their meeting-up on that ill-fated day. It was in the wake of their meeting-up with one another on that day, where 11 people died, 39 were injured and 50 cars were involved in what was one of the largest fatalities ever incurred on a fog covered interstate 43 in Sheboygan County in the state of Wisconsin. So from that one accidental meeting up of the two they vowed between them, from that point on, to keep their distances from one another in their immediate futures, thereby they wouldn't cancel out one another's jobs that they had to do.

And although the Humbug was always considered to be a lone enforcer while giving the impression that he was single and available, it turns out that Humbug was in-deed married, as he always considered his self to be somewhat a lady's man even in his younger years when he was just a little fluke.

It was about 6 or 7 years ago that the wondering eye of the Humbug met up with Fate, as she and her cousin Destiny were hanging out in Milwaukee, where at that time, Fate herself was single and just passing through our fair city where the paths of Fate and Humbug inadvertently crossed. They soon got together a few times just to take in the outer-lining Milwaukee sights around town. But when people came upon Humbug it was said to be by Fate, while on the other side of that, people started complaining that their Fate was said to be on a Humbug. Whereby these two winded spirits relationship soon progress to the point where they even talked about hooking-up permanently and getting married, but had it not been for, just because, the Humbugs wife and their son, out of the blue, the Humbug and Fates marriage might have taken place.

Soon thereafter somewhere during their romantic courtship, too many people started complaining after Humbugs son, out of the blue who took a wife and showed-up in town with this new blushing bride, red-handed, which saw Milwaukeean’s caught in a cross fire of unpredictable situations, that all of a sudden started coming without warnings, such as things that began happening out of the blue, causing others to be caught red-handed. Meanwhile it was just because the humbugs wife who got wind of Humbug who was now parading Fate unopposed around town. And it was his own son out of the blue and red-handed who ran happened across Humbug and Fate as they roamed throughout the city unchecked.

Where it was out of the blue who informed his mother just because telling her all about the Humbug his father, and the woman who he was seen with gallivanting around town with, thereby causing Humbugs irate wife just because to file for a divorce of separation. And although she never followed through with it, stating just because, and instead she and their son, out of the blue, along with his new bride red-handed, all moved-on to the city of Chicago on a trial separation, but not before a Milwaukee serial killer was caught red-handed, out of the blue, just because, on a Humbug which had to be his fate and that would be the only time that they were all seen together on a family outing. So while Humbugs wife just because, and his son out of the blue, who along with his new bride red-handed moved out of town and were now residing in the city of Chicago, it was the Humbug who thought to pick back up with Fate where he left off at, because the Humbug now felt that he was now free to openly pursue a romantic courtship with the divine spirit fate. But it was the parting words that just because had with fate that caused her to keep her distance from Humbug, because it was just because words as she stated to fate that how she’s better watch her back because there’s no telling when she might show-up just because and then it would be her own fate that would be brought into question, thus leaving the Humbug to once again take up the role of a free spirit as he never saw Fate again.

        So should you ever be out and about, and you think that you see, or feel the Humbug’s presence approaching, always keep in mind that there’s always a presence of nature all around you for different reasons, and different circumstances and there’s nothing that you can possibly do to control it in your favor. And as long as you live on this planet within this universe, you’ll always be under the spell of nature and the universe, and its only where you choose to be, and the choices that you willingly make in life, is what at times frees you from all the pitfalls, circumstances and situations that from time to time will befall a great many of us in one way or another. But keeping in mind that at some point in your life, you can always throw caution to the wind by proudly claiming how you managed to slip past the Humbug that was once driven by Fate, to be your Destiny, but somehow Just because you didn't get caught red handed doesn't make it a fluke, or a freak accident that didn’t happen just out of the blue, and if that’s the case, then you should just consider it a temporary pardon from the Humbug.