I Didn't Know I Was in Love

prompt: four seasons, the puzzle, missing you

The seasons change and so does a fluttery feeling in my gut. It’s always there when you’re near me. Are you making me sick? When I see you in the summer, dancing in the lake down by your house beneath the ancient trees, I feel like a breeze has just rippled through a flower field full of white dandelions in my stomach. When I see you in spring, worrying about school I just want to kiss the slight pout off your lips. Isn’t that an odd thought? But you’re the one that keeps making me sick, so that would just contaminate me even more. When I see you in fall, drinking a warm coffee in the scarf I got you for your birthday, I want to buy you every scarf in the world if it means you’ll look at me like that. In those, I love the smiles you send me that only I have seen. The smiles that you reserve for me and drive me insane. When I see you in winter, cuddled up in a mountain of blankets with a cup of hot chocolate in your hands that your mother made for us while watching a Christmas movie, I want to be in between you and the mountain of blankets. I want to leech off of your warmth if it means I can be as close as possible to you. Why am I like this? Whenever you’re not around, I feel like I’ve lost one of my limbs, completely helpless without it. When I see you smile at someone else, why do I feel unjustified hate at the receiver? My mother gave me advice when I told her about my struggle, and I thought she must be mad. There’s no way I can be in love with you! But, when I think about it, I must be the mad one. Because it makes complete sense. Now I know I’ll never get the delight of loving you because you’re too good for me.