A Daily Reminder

Can feel

The drying residue

Of tears

Upon my face.

A by-product

From another day

Still unresolved.

Wanting to forget

But forever etched

Into my mental data banks

Of time.

Another era

And place

Which I have abandoned

Years ago.

Like those thoughts

That hang around.

No matter

How hard we try

To get rid off

Of them.

Still

Can see

How far

I have travelled

Over the past 7 years.

Slowly

Moving beyond

The angry destructive soul

Who craved death

At all cost.

As revenge

Against my family members

Who have rejected

Or abused me

For whom

I am.

Having to remember

On those bad days

To be gentle

On myself.

Taking care

To pamper

My bruised soul

With love

And compassion.

Reviews

[willweb]

So sad my friend but you must learn to love yourself and I know that is not easy...I know. It took me a while to realize I was worth something...but we all are.

[therisa]

Thank you, Will. Too often, I'm too harsh, in judging myself, and I need to take a step back, and allow myself, to take time, and do something that is filled with compassion and not anger. Like a long bath, by candle light, with Star, by my side.

[MomzillaNC]

It's hard to move on, not to be trapped by that past in memory.

[therisa]

But I'm working it, Momzilla.

[MomzillaNC]

I know. That's exactly why forgiveness is for your benefit.

I forgive my mom. My mom has tried to make amends and overcome her issues. I forgive my molestor and my would-be rapists; but, I will never have anything to do with those individuals, no matter what measures they might take to change themselves for the better. I forgive my sister -- but she has not tried to overcome her issues; so I do not let her into my life. But, neither will I empower her to poison my joys by holding on to my anger and sense of betrayal over her skanky behavior; so, she is not part of my life. I never stop wanting things to be better between me and my sister; it never stops hurting that things can't be better; but, my heart is not held captive by her disloyalty.

[MomzillaNC]

BTW: my mother and I have come to terms with the past. We don't revisit those bad old days, but have made peace with them. I still long for that mother of rose-colored memories from before her break-down. But, I am at peace with the mother I have now and we have a better relationship than I thought possible.

[therisa]

Momzilla, it has been only seven years, since the floodgates have opened up and I have been trying to restore order, to my repressed memories. I can tell you, I was, in a much worse place, at that time, then now. My writing is, one of my ways that I am facing up to this past.

Am glad, you have reached an understanding, with your family and abusers, Momzilla.

[MomzillaNC]

You'll get there. Just keep working the process.