Egkhelya

I was walking in circles.  The city was dark and I was going somewhere, to some destination.  The journey was vague and dream-like.  It was night, and all was a blur of shadowy buildings and the eerie glow of humming street lights.  I must have been circumnavigating my way around the area, but each lap was smaller and shorter than the last.  It was an inward trek.  Yes, that was it, I was spiraling in to a center, a place in the very middle of the city that I had to go, drawn by some invisible force.

When I finally reached the end of my walk, things became clearer.  It seemed like a dead end, just a great wall of concrete.  I was standing on the crumbling pavement of some abandoned place, and feeling that the only option was to go forward despite any boundaries to my path, I decided to walk closer to the wall.  The air around me was still and was neither hot nor cold, and I couldn't help but feel troubled, for at that time I wished for some sensation to breath upon me, to let me know I was alive and real.  All was nothing, and while my mind may have been clear in relation to my surroundings, I had no knowledge of who I was and why I was there.  This produced a slight knot in my chest, a kind of concealed fear that fights to get out but forever struggles in it's constricting cell.

As I grew nearer to the wall, my eyes saw amongst the shadows a black mass, and at an even closer distance I could see that it was a hole, an opening.  Next to this, on the ground, was another dark shape, but this had dimension.  I thought that it may have been a pile of clothes, or maybe it was a dead or sleeping animal.  A nervous anticipation overtook me, and the shape began to move as my heart raced.  First it was a turning, jumbled distortion, but soon I saw a head pop up.  It was the face of an old man staring at me with twinkling, beady eyes.  He must have been homeless.  My heart pounded so hard that each pulse seemingly reverberated off my surroundings back to my body, freezing me in place.  But as these paralyzing vibrations came to my body, the old man's gaze went into my soul.  It all formed a kind of stasis as time and space began to slow as I stared back into his eyes.

“Oh, it's you,” said the old man, leaning in closer,  “Well, what do you have for me?”  

I didn't understand.  My mouth parted just a little to say something, but there was only silence.  Almost instinctively, my hands rummaged through my pockets and I soon pulled out a golden coin.  There were inscriptions on either side but could not make them out, for it was too dark and I quickly handed it to the old man.  He took the coin into his hand and studied it.

“I can take it,” he said, and repeated with a raspy laughter, “I can take it!”

The old man put the coin in the inside pocket of his dusty jacket and stared at me in silence a little longer.  I felt like something was supposed to happen, but all I could do was wait.  The man seemed to be thinking, but something in his eyes conveyed amusement as well.  Suddenly he spoke.

“You always seem a little dazed, a little absent,” said the old man, “so I guess we'll just go through the usual thing.  You didn't have to give me the coin, or anything at all.  It's just something I like to do.”  The old man grinned.  “Anyway, this is where I live and wait.  I wait for you.  I don't need to tell you everything because you'll know it all later.  I'll just give some guidelines to keep everything rolling.”

The old man produced a small sack and pulled out a candle.  He lit the candle with a match, handed it to me and continued speaking.

“Now,” he said, “this is a magic candle.  When I was a little boy until I was a young man, I would go to a certain service in an old church, which must have been over one-hundred years old.  During this service, the congregation would go outside and walk around the church three times while holding candles.  It was all part of the ritual.  Once the third walk around was over, everyone would go inside to finish the service.  But not me.  I would sneak away!”

The old man giggled and ran his hand through his gray hair then scratched his beard.  He was silent for a moment, but then his demeanor changed.  His stare grew more intense and he looked almost angry.

“That's why this candle is magic,” he said, the light of the candle burning in his eyes, “when you don't finish the service, the wax never melts.”

Again there was a period of silence, his eyes searing into mine.

“Take the candle into the hole,” continued the old man, pointing to the dark opening, “it will help light the way, but watch where you look, especially when you come to an underground lake.  This is the most important thing.  When you get there, to the lake, do not look into the Eel Woman's eyes.  If you look into Egkhelya's gaze, you will turn to water.  You will not be stone or any other object that one may take and perform some spell or incantation over to bring you back.  No, you'll become water and join the water in her murky pool to be lost forever.  No one will find you.”

I was afraid, a sick feeling formed in my stomach.  Despite this, that same invisible force moved me to continue.  My fate was sealed.

“And now,” bellowed the old man, his arms raised, “it is time for you to go.  I will see you again!”

From him came a flash and a burst of fire that quickly dissipated .  The old man was gone, completely vanished without a trace.  With that, the hypnotic state I was in suddenly broke and all was silent.  It was just me and the hole in the wall.  Upon entering the dark opening, my candle revealed a cavernous tunnel that led downward, winding this way and that.  Strangely, my way down was a kind of rest period.  I was still afraid but having been released from that stare and being able move about was a good feeling.  In any case, I had to continue.

My fear increased again when I finally came to the underground lake.  But it was not just fear, it was a sensation of memory and sadness.   I had been there before, but I didn't know when or how or why.  Endless thoughts began to enter my mind, but I had to stop them and be cautious of the aim of my eyes.  I panicked, for the Eel Woman could rise from the dark water at any moment, anywhere.  In the middle of the lake was a sort of metallic dome, but I just barely got a glimpse of it.  I knew that was where I needed to go, so I looked straight up to the ceiling of the cave and went forward.

The water was cold, and I shivered as the lake became waste-high.  My gaze remained upward, the candle light illuminating all above me.  I tried hard to concentrate away from my circumstances and focus just on walking and what was before my eyes, looking over the hanging stalagmites and crooked patterns of rock.  But all was in vain, for I felt an oily, slimy skin brush past my leg.  Soon there was the sound of something emerging and a sloshing from behind.  I was soon being followed while a salty breath touched my back, the sound of it not quite right.

I walked as quickly as I could, but the creature continued to follow, matching my speed.  My one hand was stretched outward to feel for the dome, my other hand shaking, holding the candle.  Finally, my fingers came against of smooth surface.  I looked down to see a metal, curving structure.  Then there was the reflection.  First it was my own in the blaring candle light, but in looking closer, I saw her, Egkhelya, the Eel Woman.  My heart jumped, for I thought at first I had seen her eyes and there was no hope, but I quickly realized it was just the reflection.  There was, however, no relief because this was the most dangerous part.  In her reflection would be the potential power to make me turn to the reality of her being.

Her hair writhed and wriggled in a wet, slippery dance as black eels protruded from her head.  She had pale, bluish and scaly skin.  From her waist down all was a coating of shining obsidian scales, and while the rest was hidden beneath the water, I could imagine nothing but a long tail.  She was indeed half-woman and half-eel.

But then there were her eyes, her black coal eyes that stood out so strongly on her almost featureless face.  This reflection begged me to turn around and join my physical gaze to hers, she never spoke and didn't need to.  I knew that if I did turn, I would instantly become a formless liquid and join with the water that was her home.  It all seemed like some sort of cycle, part of a destiny but also a trap.  

How long I stood there, I can't say.  All that was left was the dome.  Somehow I knew the answers lay in within, that there the journey would end and yet in some way begin.  I admit, the thought crossed my mind to simply look into Egkhelya's eyes, to end whatever pattern it was that I was in.  But I could not do this, I had to go on.  Call it courage or submission, the essential feeling was to continue.

I looked down to the water, and beneath the dome was a glow.  This assured me that the dome was hollow, that I could swim under and up into the strange structure.  Facing me on the wall of the dome was a circular indentation, what I assumed was a candle holder.  There I placed the ever-burning wax stick, still as tall and unmelted as when the old man gave it to me.  For a moment, I looked again  upon Egkhelya's reflected image, and sadly on my own.  Then, I submerged into the water beneath and soon found myself surfacing within the spherical building.

The inside was large and spacious.  It was big enough for me to stand and walk around.  From the ceiling hung an ornate, silver chandelier with dangling crystals and bright lights, a strange feature as all else was plain.  I crawled out of the water and onto a white, marble platform.  In the middle of this platform was a grey, stone coffin.  That was it, the coffin was core of the journey.  Without hesitation, I unlatched and lifted the lid with little effort.

And there I was.

Yes, it was me in the coffin.  An absolute double.  I wasn't surprised, it just was what it was, what had been for what seemed like forever.

The hands of the body, my body, stirred.  The eyes opened and the head rose up, my double sat upright and looked me in the face.

“An uncertain resurrection,” said my doppelganger, his face emotionless, staring at and beyond me with immense knowledge.

“Here you have come,” he continued, “and here you will stay.  Yet you will go out and be amongst the cities and the people.  You will take my place to sleep in the coffin, and I will go out.  I will take the magic candle, leave this place with caution, placing the candle on the ground outside the entrance.  I will leave the city and enter the land of the living that is also the land of the dead.  The memory of this place will be gone from me and for years I will go within the temples of wisdom and great learning.  I will become part of where I am and make a life there, but one day a sudden urge will come to me to return to this place.  From the minute I set foot on that journey, I will go into the trance that you have just awhile ago experienced, and once again lose memory of where I came from.  To this dome I will return and then take your place, and as you have slept in the coffin, your mind will have retained all that I had experienced out in the world.  You will tell me all that I told you now and the cycle will begin again.”

We silently exchanged places as we had always done.  I in the coffin and my double outside, but I only make this distinction to not confuse, because I can not say who is the double and who is the original, or if we both are separate but one.

I heard him speak in the darkness of my tomb.

“We both do this because we have to,” he said, “The eel woman chose us, so with us is her only interaction.  If you or I joined our eyes with hers, we would become water.  Her lake would increase and she would then choose others, adding more and more water, so much that it would flood out of the entrance into the city streets and into all things.  All would be ruined.  We do this for the sake of the world.”

Then he left, or maybe I should say I or we left, yet I remained in the coffin.  I was both out there in the light and inside in the darkness.  In what place do I say all this?  Do I say it living in the temples of wisdom or in the sleeping dreams of the shadow of the coffin?  No one can say, and while I learn the greatest secrets and live life, I always forget.  So what is the wisdom worth, and with what wisdom am I blind to truth?  Perhaps Egkhelya has no power.  It is truly a blind faith that I have.

Sometimes I have a particular thought that becomes a dream in the dark tomb.  It is a dream that the Eel Woman's real and only power is to cause a separation, that with a lie of her's one can become two and yet still one.  And I see myself illuminated, arising from the coffin and going out into the world.  I see myself entering the temples of wisdom where I join my double.  We grasp each other's hands in love and communicate our mutual knowledge of light, and then one of us suddenly dies.  But it's not a bad thing, for we are one soul and all the experience and all the life is contained in the other.  The soul is one.

This is my dream.

5-24-13