When I Am Up (for Mental Health Month)

A poem about the ups and downs of Bipolar

When I am up, every sky is a boundless, cloudless expanse of brilliantly blinding blue.

When I am up, I am William the Conqueror and William Shakespeare and William Jennings Bryan all in one.

When I am up, life is an eternity of perfect days punctuated by soul-shaking truths at every turn.

When I am up, every person I meet is a fount of infinite expectations.

When I am up, my momentous happiness is so moment-to-moment that if I look away for but an instant I might miss it all.

When I am up, I cannot turn away. I am a moth to the flame. I am Icarus. I am entranced by my own fire’s burning ballet. I am ablaze.

When I am up, I feel the gravity of every instant, weighing me down with the weight of it all as I struggle not to fall back to reality.

When I am up, I am alone. I am adrift on my sea of ideas -- in search of my white whale, trying to stay within the white lines, staring into the glaring white light-- without hope of rescue.

When I am up, I must come down…