Longing

I have no clue what the name of this poem should be

Down

Down

Down

                To the ground I go

                As you use your deadly force

Drip

Drip

Drip

                 As I stare at your face

                 The blood leaves mine

Crunch

Crunch

Crunch

                  That’s the sound of my bones breaking              

                   As you punish me with your strength

Help

Help

Help

                 I scream praying someone would come

                 But no one ever did

Stop

Stop

Stop    

                I look in your eyes and beg

                But that’s just making you madder

Stop moving

Stop moving

Stop moving

                         I think to myself

                         Maybe if I play dead he will stop

Dream

Dream

Dream

                Out cold I was

                As you were punishing me

Awake

Awake

Awake

                Where am I?

               … Alive… at home… in hell

Damn

Damn

Damn

              This time I didn’t die

               I bet next time I will

             

 

 

Author's Note

trust me i know this poem is really stupid nor does it make sense but whatever. Dont be to harsh

Reviews

[Caradoc]

I would suggest maybe; 'Cycle of Tears', 'Longing', or 'Is This the End' for possible titles.

No it isn't stupid. It's actually very sad and ugly. The poem is well written and I like the style that you use. It flows downward, pulling the reader with it, immersing them in the story as much as the words themselves. This is a familiar tale, of someone, a child, a spouse, being abused by someone at home who should really be protecting and cherishing them. The narrator's longing for death, release from the cycle of abuse is heartbreaking. Using first person pov drives the story of this poem home.

The most chilling lines are; " I look in your eyes and beg, but that’s just making you madder."

They put the viewer in the shoes of the attacker and I find that very disturbing, as I am not the sort of person who could abuse another so. The thought of someone actually begging me to stop hurting them is sickening. So yea, lots of emotion in this piece. You did a good job.

Be well.

-Caradoc

[Angad Waraich]

"Where am I?
… Alive… at home… in hell"
These lines gave me goosebumps.
Wonderfully written and it is sad than stupid.
Your work is great.
Thank you for sharing.

[V.J.C.]

Very sad poem, sad that some can relate. You wrote this well and the formatting does have a certain draw.Thank you for the read, sad as it may be.

[Coffee Vampier]

This poem is one that is easily visualized and sadly one people can relate to...

[Rose of Gondor]

:( Sad and emotional piece. Wonderfully written and not stupid at all!! Very chilling!

[Seshat Nidaba]

omg this is so intense! I'm not sure if this piece is about abuse or what? I found it all a bit shocking really. I guess that's a powerful reaction from your audience, if that is what you are going for.

[Jack Isaac]

I skipped the first poem because I've been seeing a lot of hate poems lately:) Would I be too harsh if I said I broke out laughing at first glance of this poem? --ooops, I guess it's too late to ask that. I didn't laugh because it was stupid, but because I wondered who could ever think of something so original as this. An effective poem is one that speaks to the reader --and this one speaks so well, it makes perfect sense --very, very nicely done.

[Ubiquitous]

This is a haunting poem, but I like the rhythm. Well done :)

[Crow]

I don't find this poem to be stupid, I feel the pain it symbolizes. You have expressed yourself, and that is the nature of poetry...expression. Some tend to believe poetry has but one style, but it takes many form and styles. This is just one of it's many masks. I won't suggest a title as it is your piece. What I do suggest, if you seek another then sit and think about it over time and I think one will find you.

Crow