Outside the Box...

Who we are when we have no labels

 

We describe our pigeon holes

not our selves

share beliefs

not truths

declare allegiances

to voting booths

 

We dwell divided

sliced apart

ununited

 

Holed up in our faith in systems

walls of differences blind us

to the sameness we would see

if only we could be

...just us

 

 

It is when we scatter

scarper from our holes

escape failing walls

and stand

unbound

together

that we know

we truly know

we are us

and not the walls that named

and claimed us

 

Reviews

[Robert Francis Callaci]

Powerful message- to break away from the safety of conformity and herd thinking- to look within and realize we are all made of the same cloth -to jump over the wall and knock down the tower of babel-
Good flow and good use of rhyme- the only hiccup in this piece is for me is the last five lines- to many repeated words-

that we know
we truly know- two knows in two lines-
the knowing doesn't need to be emphasized with a repeat of the same word.

but the real hiccup for me is

we are us
not the walls that named
and claimed us

this messes up the flow-- again repeats of us, we and knows all in the last five lines- up to that point the flow, rhythm and word choice were great and then it became halting those last five lines-

I enjoyed the poem it's quite good -but I'd work on those last lines to make it an excellent one..


my warmest
bob