Interesting

Tom said he was twenty two when he was really twenty, but that was pretty much the only special thing about him. He liked to think that humans don’t really have free will and that maybe scientology has a point, but he wouldn’t tell you.

He had a girlfriend named Sarah, who sat across from him in the woods smoking her pipe with an ironic “For Tobacco Use Only” sticker on it. She did most of the talking, often going on a minor soliloquy a few times an hour. About her day or her odd interpretations of religion, or maybe just singing a song without a melody.

When he turned twenty five and stopped lying about his age, Sarah crashed her car in a blizzard and was trapped under snow for seventy two hours and died. Tom lost his job two weeks after, and it didn’t take long for him to be evicted from his apartment. He moved to the opposite coast and began his fishing career, without any knowledge on fishing or fish. That failed.

Tom then had to change location again, this time hitchhiking to Tijuana. One might ask what opportunity he had in Mexico, as they should. A thirty-something white guy doesn’t really belong residing there.

The answer would be that he had fallen in love with Breaking Bad to fill the void left by a deceased fiance. He purchased a revolver and barged into a Mexican strip club demanding to see the “Cabeza Man”. A drunk man did entertain him, claiming to be the cabeza in question. Tom wanted to work as a drug distributor, choosing heroin over meth because he felt his talents catered to a more subdued crowd. He was given a bag of flour believed to be cocaine, he was shot by members of the controlling cartel.

Wasn’t that exciting?

Reviews

[Persona]

I like Sarah and think you should expand on her as a character. When you tell me everything without there being one solid story line I don't care about her death. If there was a certain memory the character had and she died after, then that'd be heart wrenching. Focus on Sarah and Tom's mourning. I want to see the start, middle and end of a story. Start = Tom and Sarah are happy. Middle = she dies, he grieves, end = times heals, or he makes a big, sad decision. The story is you telling me what your idea for a story is rather than telling an epic, emotional tale.