If Only Love Be Like A Dream

Wishes...

 

Beautiful and heart wrenching

it often times seems...

Only if love be like a dream

and scenes be written on sand

by tears of joy

that are meant to hurt never more

and the underscore

would be of bliss

and fate would seal hope with it's kiss

and pain would no more exist

as love floats on clouds of bliss

and hope so lost would be restored

and truly you would be adored

and tears of joy would finally come

to finish what had been left undone

and golden sun rays would shine down

and our love would embrace this

 as time winds down

we could marvel at all that we found.....

We would expound on every fear

that no longer could find life here

in between your hands and mine

erasing all the ugly broken hearted lines

from our mind

gracefully we would sail by

on love’s ocean of healing

as our hearts collide into one

beautiful brilliant being

sensual flavors

we are now seeing

like rainbow painted butterfly skies

and diamond tears escape our eyes

as we cry for love’s no more goodbyes

hope stands and cheers us on

every word spoken here comes out as songs

ever more happiness will be our thorn

no pricks or bleeding

no way to be torn

as through each spiritual touch

we are reborn

ache becomes faint in our memory

we can’t recall what it is to bleed

as "Us" bring out the best in "We"

all harm must from our presence flee

If only love be like a dream~

 

Reviews

[Emel Kay]

Howdy,
I'm new to all of this online stuff, but I'm not new to writing groups/ poetry groups. I came across your poem by means of looking at whats new. I know how enjoyable it is to get quick criticism, so I'll be more than happy to help out.
A poem like this, no doubt, has been written over and over. What I mean is, a poem about wanting love without the chance of pain, as love more often than not (almost always, actually, has). considering this, what I have to look at is what makes this particular poem unique comparatively to that whole culture of this type of poem.
What I see (after the purple and fonted text) is a poem that uses a wide array of, don't be offended, cliches. I know I know, those buggers are just always in the keyboard and wanting to jump out, but people look down on cliches for a reason. A few examples: "hearts collide" "tears of joy" "Hurt never more". Readers tend to skip over cliches because they know what they say before they finish it, and then readers tend to skip more parts, because they expect it. Then, God forbid, they don't read the last half of your poem because they assume the already know what it is going to say!
What you can do to avoid this (because, as far as I see it, you have got alot to say) is to stay away from typical ways of saying things. If you are writing for yourself, you can make as many poems with as many cliches as you like, but seeing as though you've published this online, I don't think you want to keep it to yourself. I'm not at all trying to be mean, we all have this problem, and we all need someone to point it out to us every so often. What separates a good poem from an amazing poem is the uniqueness of it; the ability of the poem to go past the common use of language to make it the romance of language.
The desire to find love that does not have the sadness inside of it is a very complicated and distinct emotion, and you should certainly do that thought justice by not cookie-cutting a poem about it. I know that you can make this subject shine through, if only you are determined to not be afraid of language.

[forfila]

Everytime, every single time, you leave me wanting more....lovely


Hugs and kisses,
Me.