mirror mirror

There. Upon the shadows of the everlasting one. I sit at the back, alone in my own little world. Minding my own business. From the corner of my eye, I see him. The one I have been waiting for. I stood up as if welcoming his greeting. Of course nothing about my stance is warm or even welcoming for that matter. I move in for the kill. He lunges at me at the same time. I raise my hand, he raises his as well. I beat him with my right hand, the hand in which I have killed all those men who hurt my mother and I. I lashed out at him, forcing him to bend and keel over. I writhe in pain as he catches me mid stride and lifts me up off the floor. He looks at me with this strange gleam in his eye that is frighteningly so familiar. Those deep dark soulful eyes, as if I were staring straight into my very own. I will never forget those eyes. My mother had the same, and heaven rest her soul, alas she has all but gone far far away from me. I tried calling out to her, but she will never be able to hear my anguished cries. For she will never ever heed the warning in my voice.  Afraid of her very daughter.

Suddenly as if broken by my sheer will, I force his hand onto the floor, I regain my hold and sweep him off his feet pounding the very life out of him. I gasp in pain every time I leave my blows under his putrid flesh. Looking back, I see myself from afar.

There is no one there.

I only truly have myself to blame.

Reviews

[Anju]

Hi topsyturvy :) Mh, that's a ... kind of cold story. Literally, because to be honest, I missed the emotions in it. You elaborate some thoughts at the end and at the beginning, but during the actual act of killing, there's nothing but a sequence of events, which is a bit sad. I guess there are plenty of emotions when you kill someone, thoughts rushing trough your head, and if your protagonist is absolutely emotionsless, this would be also worth telling!
Come to think of it, the line "There is no one there" could actually mean that, that there was no emotion, no real personality inside the prot. Just a hollow drive.
Make the desperation concrete, that would intensify the atmosphere.
And a question about grammar - all those men who hurt my mother and I - that had to be "my mother and me", hadn't it?

So I hope I could help you a bit. Your story is really not bad, but an the other hand not outstanding as well, that ... certain something is missing.
Yours, Anju