5-11-15

I have shared endless pages with you all about horrible, terrible, me destroying a miraculous love about myself, the black hearted monster mangling an innocent soul ive beat myself ive loathed who I am ive scarred my flesh because I am the devil and I have done the devil's work I havent shared a paragraph with any of you about courageous, beautiful, me embracing my own right emotion about myself, the sun blocked by a cloud smothering and degrading my being because a mear boy has said to and then carved it into my soul as the truth I haven't written a sentence about my being greater than what ive chose to show you all being capable of tides that choke and drown all surrounding beings about myself, being only flawed perfectly dropping jaws and filling them with slight tastes of my ability because I am who Ive always wished to be and I left it in the rain, to wash then dry up I haven't asked a word about who any of you are disregarding my phenomenality about why any of your opinions matter saying that I should practice being something different something better something more fitting to your own meak lifestyles so today I am asking about who you are to tell me that me is wrong being inappropriate and vulgar about who the f**k a single of you m***********s are telling me about myself especially the weak especially the pathetic especially the boys who have the nerve to call themselves god damned men so today, as I walk with my back to all the pairs of two cents being thrown my way I am dismissing every coin stopping only to pick my heart up off the ground and then carefully tucking it in between coins of my own safe inside of my chanel hand bag

Reviews

[P.J. Amey]

Being 100% honest like I intend on being with anyone I review I do have to say there's one thing after reading all of this that seems like a gorilla in the room to me. I've written poetry in the past and kind of enjoyed doing it until I came to a conclusion about my work. it became a convoluted mess of emotions clashing with the idea I was writing about. *I am in no way saying yours clashed in this work!***
It clashing on me helped me notice something about poetry, there's a fine line you must ride on the emotions to get a clear understanding for the emotion the entire piece tries to portray. There are stanza's that seemed to have a great deal more anger and fire in spots than in others. Again not 100% a bad thing but make the work feel as if there's little pockets of feeling much like pockets formed in the baking of a cake. Doesn't mean the cake is bad, but that particular bite was slightly off compared to the whole cakes flavor. I think as a whole this poem was a good "coming to be" story. But parts such as:

"especially the boys who have the nerve to call themselves god damned men"

"about who the f**k a single of you m***********s are"

Those don't bother me because of language selection, I use swear words in my writing too, in the same way you did, to show a raw emotion. I just think those two lines seem out of place, if more of the whole piece had a more "raw" aura to it, this wouldn't be an issue. Yet in my eyes this poem seemed more figurative, metaphoric and symbolical message, rather than a raw uncut and unfiltered one.

Again everyone has their own style, don't let me tell you whats right for you. However if asked my personal opinion, that is what i would tell you.

[sinNsincerity]

This is pure magic and I love it so much because
I see so much of myself in your words.
Stop writing about me hehe jk =D