3-24-16

I've been laying here
For about an hour or so
Frozen
Beneath the blankets
Wrapped around and around
My body
Until they can't stretch
Anymore.
I have not moved
Since my eyes opened,
The usual morning routine,
With my pillow soaked beneath me
Of blue food coloring
And salty wept tears.
I've been laying here
Trying to convince myself
To go make some coffee.

You see that's where my day begins,
At the fridge door
Hanging open,
While I groggily dig the can
Of maxwell house
From the bottom drawer.
It takes me a while
To convince myself
It's safe to start the day
Because 100% of the time
I regret that decision.

Eventually,
Like I always do,
I gave myself the green light.
I don't know why really
Maybe I'll win the lottery today,
Maybe I'll be proposed to
Maybe I'll see the first unicorn in thousands of years
Maybe I just won't regret it.
And so I'm up,
At the fridge
With the door hanging open,
And just as I've prepared
The coffee pot
To run its own
Morning routine,
My step mother is approaching me.

She's crying
And immediately I thought
My dog, River,
Who hasn't eaten in four days,
Has passed.
But no,
Not yet.
He's still kicking.
Or at least trying,
Trying to kick when he isn't vommitting
Trying to kick when he isn't crying
And this somehow makes me wish
That he had just gone.
She says he can't even walk
And I watched him
As he attempted to get up.,
Legs shaking uncontrollably
Body collapses
And he just lies there.
Looks at me the way
I imagine I do
When I'm staring at my wall
With wet n tired eyes,
Blankets wrapped around and around me
Until they can't stretch anymore.