Tom

Tom ran into his kitchen after he heard his phone ring. He slid on the linoleum to his microwave. His kitchen, though relatively large, was cluttered with broken kitchen utensils. He looked through the hole in the door of the microwave. The phone inside was covered in toast crumbs, and jelly. Tom pushed twelve seconds on the microwave, biting his lower lip, jumping from foot to foot to prevent from exploding of anxiousness. Soon enough, the microwave dinged.

Tom picked up the phone that had long since stopped ringing, and called out in a deeper voice than normal, "Hello! Admiral Goose 'n' Fresh here!" He waited the longest ten seconds of his life, just waiting for someone to respond. Then suddenly, he slammed down his phone. Tom picked up his baseball bat, and smacked the toaster with it, careful not to dent it too bad.

"Curse you Reginald! Why didn't you answer the phone?!" Tom stared slack-jawed at the toaster, "Fine! I'll let you off with a warning, but you!" He pointed his bat at the microwave, "Will NOT get off so easy!" He crouched in front of the microwave and spat into it.

"You let it ring!" Cried Tom, "You could've dinged faster! So why didn't you!? This calls for drastic measures Colonel!" He picked up the microwave, and began to pull it away, only to get stopped by the plug-in. "I'm sorry Colonel! No resisting!" Tom pulled again, and unplugged the microwave. He lugged it to the closet, and threw it in with the old coffee maker, the old toaster, and the old blender. He slammed the closet door shut, then looked at the toaster, "Congratulations Reginald! You've been promoted from Reginald Captain Officer to Colonel Reginald Captain Officer! Colonel for short." Tom eagerly awaited the toaster's reaction. "Ah. Tough as nails, steely faced, just like the former Colonel." His mouth hung open slightly, his head cocked to the left, still waiting for a reply.

"You'll make a fine Colonel!" Tom beamed proudly as he moved the toaster to where the microwave used to be. He then moved the coffee maker to where the toaster was, and the blender to where the coffee maker was. He looked at his appliances proudly, "A great crew you men!" He saluted his 'crew'. He picked up the phone, and slid it into a toast slot on the toaster, "You are officially Colonel now!" He nodded happily, then was suddenly hit by a wave of drowsiness. He wafted into the living room, and looked at the brown, soft couch, which he proceeded to fall onto, and pass out.