Losing

For when your heart aches, and you can't help it after losing someone.

All seems well, until you lose someone.

This can be anyone in your life who has some significance, big or small, and can be any form of them leaving. Whether it be death, or then simply walking away.

In my case, it happens to be the break up between myself and my latest partner, boyfriend, significant other, whatever title you prefer to call him.

The problem with losing someone due to a break up, is that you lose someone you knew was there for you at the end of the day. Whether it was a good day filled with positivity, or a day containing stress, and emotional breakdowns. This person was there for me.

The problem with it is that they tried so hard to break down the strong walls you had put up, due to a previous partner, or another situation, and you let this new person you had been with break them down, piece by piece.

The problem with it is that you spilled your heart out, your soul to them. Whether it be at 3am laying in bed, or on a simple walk during the day. They listened, and craved the feeling of knowing what was going on in your mind at the time.

The problem is that you struggle every day to pretend you're okay, when you are in fact the complete opposite, and have to go with the overused and untruthful term known as "I'm Fine", in order to avoid another crippling discussion on the problems in your life, in which you know is infecting theirs at the same time. 

The problem is that at one time, everything felt great and exhilarating. Only for me to soon realize I was something of toxic proportions to this person, who I know could deal with my issues and insane daily thoughts of life, but who I didn't want to let through the door he was walking halfway in to see how immense my problems are. I didn't let him in, so I pushed him out. Like everyone else who has tried.

I can go on and on, about the many struggles and occasional benefits of being in a relationship. But, in order for me to do so that would involve me spending another second, minute, hour, day, thinking about that person who once showed me how real life and love can be, how amazing it felt to know that you could be that person's world, and how quickly it can be lost in a brief moment, now gone.

Author's Note

Feel free to comment your thoughts. Please refrain from negative criticism, as this is a personal entry.

Reviews

[Philip Muls]

You describe this 'problem' in a clinical, sterile, detached way, almost scientific, analytical. While it shows through that it hurts like hell. You genuinely seem sad and tired and you want to move on desparately.

I have been there.