Inexcusable

The moment I see you,

Your light shining, splintering fragments of gold and soft slivers of silver

Cascading into the shade that houses me,

I know I have lost.

I slip and stutter, wry glint in my eye

Dying as the final ember splutters and ends.

Replaced instead by the warmth your soft touch promises, the sworn oath of comfort within your heart.

I reach for you, feet slipping over the line that the sun has emblazoned in the grass.

The moment I breath, fresh and un-dead air filling my lungs,

I know I have lost.

My words fell dumbly, missing their mark and landing instead

In the thick and splintered wood

Of a well-marked oak.

Asphyxiation isn’t as erotic when there’s no hands to still.

No body to promise warmth in the encroaching cold.

When it is simply fear coiling around your throat

Tentacles of ice and snow-blown midnight’s forcing themselves 
down

Down

Down

Into your stomach

Past your heart

And expanding lungs

Nestling into your intestines like a parasite.

This tapeworm of emotions saps my heat as I stand there.

Heart no longer finding a rhythm that can sustain it,

Making my chest ache.

My bile rises around the slimy appendage, drowning me in its 
sickness.

My words fall dumbly, my face tints red and I step back once again.

Shadows accepting me back, soothing away this inexcusable fantasy

Of being loved by you.