To my brother

I miss you so much

We were young

Endless bikerides,

Made up games

Pruny skin from the pool

As sunlight nourished us

Until the stars appeared

Waiting in line for the shower

And bed time stories

My friend on days when

No one else could come out to play

Although you were my friend even

When we were with different company

A few years apart, as I matured

But nothing hostile, a hectic life

I still never forgot you

And we still shared that bond

I remember a night

When I finally got a chance to talk with you

A young adult, you'd grown into yourself

Quite well

I was so proud of and happy for you...

The wonderful person you'd become

We listened to music, passed around life's stories

And then illness tore us to shreds

You heard too much, saw too much

All of which you wish you never knew

I'm sorry that I ruined you

That I caused you to grow up

Faster than normal

I'm sorry that I shattered

Your once innocent mind

I never stopped loving you though

And will never stop missing you

Because even during those silent carrides

When Nirvana provided the only noise

I still cherished being with you

I love you

Yet I don't blame you

For feeling as you do

Since I robbed you

Of childhood

I wronged you

With my evil

And I jaded you

With my false hope

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I can say it forever

Because I can say

I love you

Forever as well

I don't know if you hear me

Or if these words fall to the floor

But I'll keep saying them

Because while I know that I've hurt you

I'm hurting without you

My brother that's been a stranger to me

For years

I know I had my chances

And I know that I wronged you

In so many ways

I'll never forgive myself

Yet I'll never forget

When we were young

With the endless bikerides

Made up games

Pruny skin from the pool

As sunlight nourished us

We're both starving in the dark now...

Please, B.J., I miss you...

Please, B.J., I love you...

Reviews

[Jonathan Ballam]

Heartfelt, raw and aching. I trust this poem has brought the amount of healing you are due. I memorable tribute to a meaningful guy.

[ShadowWalker]

wow.... very touching....if i wasn't so emotionally closed of i would have cried ;)

really nice work

[Kaylor Mason]

I felt tears. I've been struggling with severe illnesses too, and watching the toll it took on my family was enough to tear me apart. The worst part is, it's nobody's fault, and there's not a dang thing anyone can ever do about it--but we think it's our fault, and we hate ourselves because we can't get any better. Oh yes, I know these words you've written here so eloquently . . . I said them myself a time or two to my own loved ones. Life can get better with time, but it never really gets any easier, does it?
Life's never fair. It just beats the alternative.

[StarryNight]

Wow, this is amazing Julia. I even got teary eyed, lol. So sorry about your brother. :( Does he even speak to you anymore?

[Allen Smuckler]

Very powerful..poignant...and honest write Jb.
I'm sure it wasn't easy to be so forthright and revealing...
I am also certain your brother would forgive...misses and loves you
reach out...you've already made the first move
This really was beautifully written Jb
thank you for sharing
allen

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

I am deeply moved.....
I am sorry for your loss...
This stream of thought is moving...
beyond the world that in which we are living

[Jb]

use