Getting-to-Know-You Bullshit

Allow me to introduce myself.

 

I

I am one of the most vulgar people

you will ever meet.

...No, really.

This is your warning.

Oh, I will offend you...

It's just a matter of time.

For example,

I hate feminists,

Christians,

hippies,

Democrats, Republicans,

and most of all,

men who have emotions.

Nothing is more repulsive

than a man who cries

during The Lion King.

 

 

 

II

I am a Pisces.

I am a Pisces that's also allergic to seafood,

which I think is rather ironic.

I have rather colorful conversations

with inanimate objects, animals,

and my internal organs.

I make funny faces when I play the guitar.

I sing songs from Broadway musicals

obnoxiously loud when I am driving

alone in my car.

I love Tarintino movies

and violence makes me feel all warm inside.

I know every line from Fight Club

but I pluck my eyebrows everyday,

and I definitely have a lingerie fetish.

See, contrary to the stereotype

loving violence has nothing to do

with being a tomboy or a butch.

It has to do with me being

just dead enough inside

that The Notebook doesn't do it for me.

You wanna make me cry,

give me a cold-hearted monologue from

a hot guy, right before he erupts

into some form of brutal violence.

That's hot.  That's touching.

 

 

 

 

III

I am the type of person

that will always

get something out of everyone:

sincere concern,

perhaps a laugh, an evil glare,

a card with a phone number to a counseling center,

a proposition for a date

to see the latest Tarintino movie,

or maybe just a stare of disbelief.

But at least I am

a person that made you look,

made you care,

made you stare,

made you scared,

made you glad that your mother brought you up

right and that mine brought me up honestly,

and not just another

run of the mill,

not-so-unique,

not-so-original,

unique and original

individual.

At least I am not THAT.

Reviews

[Travis Lawrence]

Strength is in part three. One part I didn't like as much,

"For example,
I hate feminists,
Christians,
hippies,
Democrats, Republicans,
and most of all,
men who have emotions."

-- And this has more to do with my outlook on life than the actual poetics (so keep it if you like), but I'd advise you to lose the labels. You shouldn't just group people into catagories. I'm a firm believer in the individual, and that how you act and what you say is not entirely who someone is. There are many sides, infinite sides, to a lot of people who could be included in any of those groups.

-- Also, every person in the world has emotions, so I think that last one is a little too simple of a line. Make it more detailed, more concrete. The Lion King reference helped, but maybe you could say something like "men who are soft hearted", which would also come back around toward the end of part two (cold hearted monologue).

Overall though I enjoyed it, a nice little rant with a lot of truth to it, good job.

[Alex Hutchinson]

This is morbidly awesome. You can't help but to feel angry at the writer and then feel pity. Along the way is a measure of acceptance for her honesty and maybe even a little intrigue at her character.

[D. Elizabeth]

Honest, and hauntingly real. xo -D.E.

[Ashley]

Wow. Thta's amazing. I can actually relate to a lot of that. Like I sing songs from Broadway musicals all the time and I rarely cry at movies. The only kind of movie that can make me cry is a PETA one and its because it has to do with animals. Anyway sorry for writing so much but I really like this!