Look

Sarah closed the front door behind her and from the lack of blaring music and television she instantly knew it wasn't going to be a good evening.

She dropped her keys into the bowl on the shelf above the radiator, opened her umbrella to dry beneath the stairs and then took a moment to compose herself before formally announcing her arrival. She pulled at her shirt to straighten it and ran her fingers over her ears to tuck in some loose hairs.

“Hello? Anybody home?” She called out in the direction of the living room first and then again up the stairs.

When there was no response she walked through to the living room and found that everything was exactly as it had been when she had left that morning. There were no dirty plates or mugs and no open magazines. The cushions were still plumped and distributed evenly around the sofas. The phone was still on its charger, the television was off and the doors to the video cabinet were closed.

Moving in to the kitchen Sarah found that there was no mess on the counter and there were no dishes in the sink but then, when she rounded the corner to check the back door, she saw the wooden knife block lying on its side on the black marble counter with knives strewn around it. Sarah experienced a surge of adrenalin.

“Lucy?” She shouted, “Mark?” “Is anybody home?”

Attempting to calm herself she stood the block upright and placed the knives back in to it, finding that only the carving knife was missing. Her panic was now subsiding as the carving knife didn't fit any of the images that had flashed through her mind. The images of Lucy's student art teacher being stabbed with one hand while she was filmed with the other, crying and pleading. The images that had been e-mailed to Lucy.

Climbing the stairs slowly, Sarah found herself craning her neck to listen upwards, as if the inch difference would give her the vital edge. She silently thanked Rob for still not having fulfilled a year old promise to get rid of the stair carpet and sand and varnish the wood.

Reaching the landing she could now hear heavy breathing in Lucy's room. She reached out an arm and gently pushed the door by extending her fingers. The weighted door swung in by a foot and then swung out again and in that moment's interval she saw the carpet was covered with clumps of white blond hair.

Nine years previously, when she had just returned from hospital after having Mark, her mother-in-law had come up to stay to look after Lucy for a few days. Mrs Preston senior had refused to take her to the hairdressers because of her view that such beautiful hair was a gift and should be grown long.

On the afternoon of the last day of her stay Sarah had put the baby down to sleep and gone up to check on her daughter to find she had just completed cutting her hair with her Girl's World scissors.

The four year old beamed at her from the middle of a floor covered in golden curls, her head almost bald in some places, with several of the long bits coloured with the Girl's World pink dye and tied with ribbons.

“Mummy!” she gurgled excitedly “Look what I did!”

“Yes, honey! Look what you did!” She couldn't help smiling back at her, “We should go downstairs and show your Nanna!”

“Lucy, I'm coming in.” Sarah took a deep breath and walked in to find Lucy sitting on the carpet with her back up against the bed and her face in her hands. Her hair was cut to an inch long but not very evenly. Her shoulders were gently heaving.

Sarah slid down the wall until she was mirroring her daughter's position and looked fruitlessly around the room for some clue to what had provoked this.

“What's happened, love?”

After receiving no response she reached forward and put her hand on Lucy's shin. She sat that way for a few minutes, feeling the unknown pain from her daughter and trying to imagine what she would want her mother to do if she were the distressed teenager.

“Sweetheart, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just want to know that you're alright.”

A minute later she heard a muffled and emotionless “I'm alright,” from behind the hands.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“Yes.” No gap this time.

“OK. I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to get changed and make a cup of tea, but after that we're going to have to tidy you up or your father's going to be home in two hours and he's going to want to know who to kill.”

Sarah grabbed the doorknob and lifted herself to her feet, wobbling slightly as the pins and needles sensation started. Across the hall she closed and locked the door and turned to find a letter lying open in front of the toilet.

On top of the letter there was a Polaroid photograph of Hayley holding a red jacket like a matador's cape while a girl Sarah didn't recognise was bent over in front of her with her hands up beside her head posing her index fingers as horns. Both girls had their hair shaved to a couple of millimetres long.

The first time Sarah had met Hayley she had come back to the house with Lucy after school and Sarah was surprised to find her leading the way in through the back door with Lucy in hand. When they made eye contact the seven year old had offered her a handshake.

“Hello Mrs Preston. I'm Lucy's friend, Hayley. She's invited me back for tea with you. I hope that's not inconvenient?” her head tilted slightly to the side on this last word.

Sarah was caught between the competing desires to smile at the cheek and to send the precocious child home. She settled for missing the handshake and patting her on the head instead.

“No problem, little lady, as long as you like spaghetti hoops.”

“Whatever Lucy's having is fine for me. Come on Lucy, show me your room.” Grabbing Lucy's hand she led her out through the kitchen and down the hall.

Sarah washed and dried her hands and went to the bedroom to get changed. She hadn't been so naive as to think that Hayley was out of their lives for good but she had thought things would have been a little better now that she was temporarily removed, precociousness currently being the least of her worries.

In truth though, when she had seen the jumble of knives, Hayley was the first thing to enter her head. So to find she was here in photographic form only was something of a relief, especially now that she appeared to have somebody else to lead around.

She pulled on a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt and her trainers and, skipping the trip to the kitchen, went straight back to Lucy's room.

“Lucy honey? I'm coming in, OK?

Lucy was exactly where she had left her.

“You've left the letter in the bathroom. I haven't read it but I saw the photo.”

Lucy looked up. Her cheeks and chin were a raw pink, her forehead lined and cut in one spot. Her eyes confused and desperate.

“Oh, baby.” Sarah knelt down and reached out to her daughter and Lucy responded by reaching forward and grabbing her and starting to cry.

“Why Mum?” She took a few panting breaths. “Why is she doing this?”

“I don't know what she's doing, Lucy, but I don't know why she would upset you.” She stroked her daughters head with her free hand and more locks fell loose.

“She says she's enjoying it there.” She wiped at her runny nose. “Her and that girl.” She relaxed her grip a little. “If she's better why can't she come home?”

“I don't think she'll be better this soon. They need to be sure that she's not going to hurt anyone else.”

“She's hurting me! Why don't they stop her doing that?” She trembled with sobs again. “She says she's over me!”

“Over you?” Sarah's arms went limp for a moment and then she squeezed her daughter so tight that the next sob turned to a choke. She kissed the top of Lucy's head, tears mingling with strands of hair, as many loose ends started to come together and she started to fully understand some of the events of the last year.

Reviews

[C-Trainer]

Like both of the other reviewers have said, I think a break from the present and flashback is needed. Other than that, I'd say you have a nice story coming along. I think your audience will want to know more of what happened between Lucy and Hayley. There is a lot that you could do with what you have so far, like throwing in some more flashbacks of the two girls and their relationship or problems. Or why Hayley was the first thought in the moms head when she saw the mess of knives. Keep writing my friend, I'd like to see where this ends up.

[Rena]

the ending is kinda confusing
what happened exactly?
did Hayley cut Lucy"s hair?
did Lucy cut it? why would there be trash all over the place?

lots of questions were not answered
i agree with ICE that current time and flashbacks should be labeled

the idea of peer pressure is a good topic and the plot is not very developed
if more is explained, then it might be a better story
the reader is left with lots of questions and guessing what has happened
some people's imaginations are a scary place and are a force to be reckoned with
sometimes its better to be elusive about what happens and other times, tell the story all out
this one should be the latter, in my opinion

~rena~

[ICE]

This is the beginings of a great story!! I liked how you progressed the story with the flashbacks. It might help if you would label when it goes back into the current time. That might confuse some people. Overall good story!!