Frenchie's Confession

Frenchie’s Confession

 

(An Appeal for the Nothingness)

 

Most Gracious, Wise and Prescient Lady,

I am Francis Costello, your unsolvable puzzle,

Gathered up in the cross-winds of grace and chance,

And blown deeply into the pages of an unending book

That I have refused to honor or even acknowledge as mine.

 

I have lived a life without the will

To make myself known to me.

 

Now, I am naked;

Now, I am alone!

 

For the carrion stench of the physical world

Pervades my every selfish act

And practiced hypocrisy!

 

And my vainglorious ambitions

Betray my reckless fear!

 

Nothing can be kind to me!

Nothing can give me meaning!

 

 

There is only the Nothingness,

Only a dark, empty place for me!

For my every enterprise is based on

The illusions that come before my eyes

And the delusions I foster to make them

 Amenable to my vanity and basest desires.

 

Though I have sensed Your presence in the scent of a flower,

I have not every time sensed it in every flower.

Though You have touched my shoulder,

Never have I turned to You.

 

I have endeavored to secure

An advantage over everything

And thus, degraded Creation itself!

I have thought only of my comfort,

Only of my ascendancy over You!

 

I have mocked every benefit of grace

Because my sins are too great, too many,

Too common and too thoughtlessly committed

For me to confess or articulate with an honest heart;

 

Yet all of my iniquities are felt, and all of them condemn me -

Indifference to the plight of others, selfishness, greed, wantonness,

Envy, rank jealousy often, vanity always, murderous, carnal dreams,

Each has filled a cauldron of its own and corrupted my ability to love.

 

And it matters not whether I acted out my depravity

Against the illusions of the physical world, or

In the context of my wretched delusions;

For they are equally destructive.

 

Therefore, most Merciful Spirit,

Grant to me the better Nothingness -

Not for my sake, but for the sake of all things

That my life has touched and, therefore, offended.